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Message to Readers
All feedback is appreciated!
This is an excellent piece of comprehensive analysis. First, I really enjoyed the beginning. It read like a realistic fiction novel and drew me in to the essay. Second, the ending was fantastic, as it impelled me to take action.
The writer did an excellent job at focusing on the stakes. From the essay, I can easily deduce the following stakes: First, that the pollution of the IRL can lead to a massive increase in algal toxins in fish that people eat , which can make them very sick and Second, that water pollution is widespread throughout the U.S and impacts everyone, from the tropical beaches of Florida to the cool beaches of Great Lakes Michigan.
I would definitely want to know more about the location of the IRL and the ecosystem. Being the geography and science addict I am, I would be fascinated to read about all the species that build up the ecosystem and how they are all interdependent.
As I said before, this is an excellent piece of environmental journalism. It makes me care and feel empathetic about a lagoon in Florida from my home in New Jersey. This work as the opportunity to be so much more! I really recommend the writer to continue this work and add to it beyond the competition.
Mainly I would recommend to look out for grammatical mistakes in your editing process and to add more details. That's it! There isn't much more I can say :)