Peer Review by clarino910 (United States)

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i have a garden on my skin

By: finnamon


FREE WRITING

my skin grows flowers. 
my mind sheds tears to keep them alive. 
my eyes are the sun, my gaze lighting up my skin. 
i am told to keep my flowers away. 
i am told to mow up the green that sprouts from my arms. 
i am told that not to do so is rude. 
i’ve always wondered why people would cross their arms and stare when they see these flowers. 
after all, i grew them myself. 
they formed without me making them. 
but still, people try to dig up my petals, but i am blinded by the pollen. 
if i am not supposed to have these magnificent flowers taking root on my body,
then why does it grow? 
why do i not even have to try to have thousands of flowers grow on me? 
i am more than what my skin grows,
yet the eyes of others choose to isolate what they want to judge most. 
and i will never understand that.


Peer Review

I love the extended metaphor! It is very well done. Easy to understand, very visual, its meaning is clear but delicately veiled in the imagery, which I love!


I do feel like the last line is a bit anticlimactic compared to the rest of the poem and it's imagery. Most of the poem shows and not tells, and then that last line tells instead of showing. Maybe relook at that and see how you can best tie it all together at the end?


Reviewer Comments

I, for one, am a fan of the style of no capitalizations but included punctuation. I think it adds rhythm and a sense of vulnerability, and I think it suits this poem very nicely.