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I love the extended metaphor! It is very well done. Easy to understand, very visual, its meaning is clear but delicately veiled in the imagery, which I love!
I do feel like the last line is a bit anticlimactic compared to the rest of the poem and it's imagery. Most of the poem shows and not tells, and then that last line tells instead of showing. Maybe relook at that and see how you can best tie it all together at the end?
I, for one, am a fan of the style of no capitalizations but included punctuation. I think it adds rhythm and a sense of vulnerability, and I think it suits this poem very nicely.