agustdv

United Arab Emirates

[ a f r a h ]

far too nonchalant about things i should probably care about

Message from Writer

reviews pLeAsE. reviews without anything constructive are honestly a waste of your time, more than anything. be harsh or whatever when you critique me, but please do.

as for comments, they help a lot lol so if you drop a few, it would be highly appreciated.

syzygy

February 7, 2020

FREE WRITING

18

misfortune in threes;
you    and    i    and    you
effigy, eulogy, ecstasy—
who i was eons ago
looks at me now ruefully,
indifference perched on my
nose, the visceral urge to
cease my existence, a
poem of the past

me    now
is too young, too forgetful
i carry an unsung orchestra of
agony, who i was carving woes in
the curve of my spine, punctured 
shoulder-blades birthing dirty wings
icarus and i share the same fate of
making love to our follies
a sun, a sea
and misery





 


title is a nod to one of my older pieces with the same name that i wrote back in 2017. wild times, my dudes. the years have literally flown.

also, very haphazardly written, i must apologize.

syzygy: the alignment of a roughly straight-line configuration of three or more celestial bodies in a gravitational system
 

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5 Comments
  • babybluelamentations

    don’t apologize for the haphazard writing; it’s still beautiful in every way. i aspire to reach your level of genius and talent. the lyricism of this piece is insanely smooth and amazing to read out loud.
    I do have one suggestion: i feel like a semicolon, period, or comma after the words ‘wings’ and ‘follies’ in the second section would make the piece a little easier to read by connecting separate clauses.
    k but like i am in love with your writing. It’s just so heavenly to read. keep on writing <3


    4 days ago
  • CrazyNinjaKid

    Gave a review mate!


    14 days ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    This is very impressive! I thoroughly enjoyed every word of this poem. My favorite line was "indifference perched on my nose", because it felt to unique and intriguing. Also, it's kinda funny that we both posted poems with allusions to Icarus within minutes of each other. Yours is obviously much better, but that's just a silky coincidence.


    24 days ago
  • the contrarian

    I agree with Anha - the skill you brandish(hope I used this right) with your words looks so effortless and practiced. Even though you say it was haphazardly written, it seems anything but. I always smile whenever I see a writer give a reference to mythology, and the last two lines made me grin. It reads quite smoothly, and your use of the four extra spaces on those lines made this piece even more eye-catching. It's not often that I see this quality of writing, and I love a good chance of pace. Brilliant indeed.


    24 days ago
  • Anha

    oh wow!! i'm always so blown away by your poetry - your form and rhythm and syntax, all of it combines to create something indescribably beautiful. even how the word sound when read aloud should be a testament to your skill.
    "misfortune in threes; / you and i and you / effigy, eulogy, ecstasy"
    absolutely brilliant


    24 days ago