Peer Review by L3X∅L∅TL (United States)

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my grandmother built herself an armour of fool's gold because she was horribly ostentatious like that #kickoff

By: agustdv


FREE WRITING


my grandmother was a fool
rigid, gnarly bones encased in the calcium
of sins
she loved us a little too much
us, her eyeballs to the strange world
she could only catch wispy glimpses of
from the mesh window.
my grandmother had claws for fingers
and three decades of her life spent in
her creaky rickety charpoy
a wedding gift, she once told me
gleaming eyes drowning in salt water
the palanquin weighed down by her 
feathery, insignificant presence.
a bride always carries her priceless
possessions to her new prison
my grandmother brought her 
polished silverware
i) a plate beaten into thinness
ii) a pair of cups and saucers so she
could make her husband
chai for the rest of her life
iii) an odd ensemble of forks and spoons
adorned at the hilt with flowery
carvings
my grandmother also loved her 
disheartening utensils a little too much
wax and washcloth that kissed
their silver sheen every month.
by the time her fingers had traced
familiarity into clay pots and pans,
the summers had already coaxed diseases 
in every pore of her being.

when my grandmother died
not much changed in my head
her charpoy now burnt and replaced
her plastic bags ripping at the seams 
with medication crushed under my
cousin's foot
when i escape the hellish heat of dubai
and visit my grandparents home two
years later, i take her
abysmal silverware and
throw it away.



 



be like that sometimes.
also, my grandmother was not ostentatious lmao, but maybe she overdid her silverware, even though in her later years, it was mostly kept away. i knew she cared for them a lot. the last piece of her girlhood.



 

Peer Review

I love the title, I remembered it from when it was first published, good job on that.


I'd like some girlhood details mentioned in the footnotes.


Reviewer Comments

You're obviously well read and descriptive writer but some focus before the wedding would really put it over the top. Your Bio kind of scared me, I don't know if this review is worth your wild or what but I tried, and I really like your piece, so thank you for sharing and keep writing!