agustdv

United Arab Emirates

[ a f r a h ]

far too nonchalant about things i should probably care about

Message from Writer

reviews pLeAsE. reviews without anything constructive are honestly a waste of your time, more than anything. be harsh or whatever when you critique me, but please do.

as for comments, they help a lot lol so if you drop a few, it would be highly appreciated.

my grandmother built herself an armour of fool's gold because she was horribly ostentatious like that #kickoff

January 30, 2020

FREE WRITING

17

my grandmother was a fool
rigid, gnarly bones encased in the calcium
of sins
she loved us a little too much
us, her eyeballs to the strange world
she could only catch wispy glimpses of
from the mesh window.
my grandmother had claws for fingers
and three decades of her life spent in
her creaky rickety charpoy
a wedding gift, she once told me
gleaming eyes drowning in salt water
the palanquin weighed down by her 
feathery, insignificant presence.
a bride always carries her priceless
possessions to her new prison
my grandmother brought her 
polished silverware
i) a plate beaten into thinness
ii) a pair of cups and saucers so she
could make her husband
chai for the rest of her life
iii) an odd ensemble of forks and spoons
adorned at the hilt with flowery
carvings
my grandmother also loved her 
disheartening utensils a little too much
wax and washcloth that kissed
their silver sheen every month.
by the time her fingers had traced
familiarity into clay pots and pans,
the summers had already coaxed diseases 
in every pore of her being.

when my grandmother died
not much changed in my head
her charpoy now burnt and replaced
her plastic bags ripping at the seams 
with medication crushed under my
cousin's foot
when i escape the hellish heat of dubai
and visit my grandparents home two
years later, i take her
abysmal silverware and
throw it away.



 


be like that sometimes.
also, my grandmother was not ostentatious lmao, but maybe she overdid her silverware, even though in her later years, it was mostly kept away. i knew she cared for them a lot. the last piece of her girlhood.



 

Print

See History
2

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

5 Comments
  • Dmoral

    "she loved us a little too much / us, her eyeballs to the strange world"
    I love these lines! It describes the character, the grandmother, and the relationship she has with her grandchildren too! I loved how this comes off and it holds an interesting concept!
    "a bride always carries her priceless / possessions to her new prison"
    This metaphor is gorgeous, I love everything about it!
    The way you describe the grandmother and her utensils are astounding-I enjoyed it so much! There's definitely a noticeable connection and vibe the reader gets. Also, it's like we can see both sides, the one where the grandmother loves her utensils and the one where the writer almost mocks them-or doesn't hold as much appreciation.
    Then there's the ending. That was totally a symbol for letting go (or I believe so) and it pulled at my heart. I almost sensed nostalgic pain from it.
    Amazing job! Keep writing! Bets of luck!


    11 months ago
  • aditi

    How do you come up with these lines? Brilliant work, as always-love the concept.


    12 months ago
  • Wicked!

    Oh man, this is so good. Your writing is so damn eloquent. My favourite lines here are 'rigid, gnarly bones encased in the/calcium/of sins' and 'gleaming eyes drowning in salt water/the palanquin weighed down by her/feathery, insignificant presence'. I love it!


    12 months ago
  • BlueWriter

    I agree with BurningMidnightOil completely! You took a light topic and made me so intrigued and I just couldn't stop reading. That's exactly what it takes to become a writer, so good work, and keep on writing!!!


    12 months ago
  • BurningMidnightOil

    I love the simplicity of the subject you chose. The way you managed to convey so much is amazing. Your use of words really bring life to the piece. And as usual, your diction is quite high, which I appreciate very much (it’s hard to find good pieces with good diction on this site now, people only like what they can understand fully:( ). Well done!


    12 months ago