agustdv

United Arab Emirates

[ a f r a h ]

far too nonchalant about things i should probably care about

Message from Writer

reviews pLeAsE. reviews without anything constructive are honestly a waste of your time, more than anything. be harsh or whatever when you critique me, but please do.

as for comments, they help a lot lol so if you drop a few, it would be highly appreciated.

رشکِ قمر

January 28, 2020

FREE WRITING

15

                                                                                                                                                           [ urdu ] : رشکِ قمر
rashk-e-qamar : beauty even the moon is envious of


i cannot call you an opus of the universe;
you, of languid gazes and stuttering whistles
echoing into the chasms of my arrested chest
you were always three steps faster;
lanky noodle noodle legs 
and an incessant stream of chatter
i was an encumbrance; too cold
my lacerating words
too warm, my furnace hands
and your shivering fingers
quelling the silence in that
ice cube corridor
you spoke urdu
and i hindi
the door-hinges of poetry
in terrible need of an oiling
vitriolic, volatile
you and i didn't exist to begin with

we were oddly beguiling
craving nooks and crannies in open spaces
i want to scrub my brain clean of you
bleach blonde blasphemy
the serotonin dwindling into
the starry sky

rashk-e-qamar
but we were unfathomably
undeniably
unarguably
ugly

 

ugly, not in the visual appearance, but of how toxic "lovers" treat each other

as i was writing lanky noodle noodle i liked how it kinda rhymed with yankee doodle lmao

also i was trying something new, like different paragraph breaks or something ig, but do let me know what you think and feel about this

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  • January 28, 2020 - 10:58am (Now Viewing)

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7 Comments
  • rainandsonder

    why are you such a good writer?? like the way each line carries such meaning and yet seems so effortless, the alliteration, the rhythm like flowing water. i absolutely love the line "you spoke urdu/and i hindi/the door-hinges of poetry/in terrible need of an oiling", like it almost rhymes but not exactly, it's just so interesting and such a terribly vivid image. i've read this three or four times now, no joke, and i still adore it with all my heart. the only thing is the line "lanky noodle noodle legs", i like the absurdity of it, but it disrupts the tone for me. seriously, you should be proud of yourself with this poem!


    16 days ago
  • weirdo

    holy cheese crackers, this is absolute beauty. i can’t think of anything to say besides... i love this so much. how godly.


    about 2 months ago
  • r|A|i|N

    your cryptic, well-worded style never fails to amaze me. like anha i'm in awe. great work.


    2 months ago
  • Anha

    oh wow. oh wow wow wow. this. THIS is a love story for the ages. (i never said it was a good one, but it certainly sends a message.) this is spectacular. sorry for the lack of feedback, i'm just in awe.


    3 months ago
  • babybluelamentations

    Ugh you’re using up all the beauty in the world it’s too lovelyy “you, of languid gazes and stuttering whistles” ??? “bleach blonde blasphemy/the serotonin dwindling into/the starry sky”, what is this masterful word association and where did you get it? You’re a genius of metaphor and i love your pieces omg <3


    3 months ago
  • Tushar Mandhan

    Beautiful! This merge of 2 languages is so easy and clear!<3


    3 months ago
  • Wicked!

    Agh this is really well written. I especially love 'you spoke urdu/and i hindi/the door-hinges of poetry/in terrible need of an oiling' damn urdu is so poetic, imo you could be swearing and it would still sound beautiful lmao


    3 months ago