Peer Review by David M. (United States)

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I Remember This

By: Kyra Young

PROMPT: Story of a Scar

Scars are always fun to remember. I have 10 scars all over my body; some are small, big, or even jagged. I aquired these scars from doing many adventures. Not really I just like to tell people that so they think I'm cool; I live a pretty boring life. Day in and day out I just wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, and go to sleep. Since that's all I do I don't have any friends. I try to stay away from people because I don't want to get hurt, especially since high school kids can be cruel.There's this one scar that changed the way I seen other people; it's not a scar that u can see, it's an emotional scar.

I've never been to school before my 9th grade year. My parents thought that the school system didn't teach kids what they need to know to survive in the real world; so from birth my parents and I travelled around the world. They taught me to help people and to always kill people with kindness. I've made connections with people, but never friends. From an early age I've learned to not get attach since we only stay at a place for a couple of monthes. What made my parents put me in school was how sad I looked. They thought that if I make friends then I'll be happier; so when I turned 14 we moved to L.A. The school that I'm going to looked pretty from the outside. I was sitting in the office waiting for my parents when I saw him. It felt like no one else was in the room with us. Friday morning 1/10/15 was my first day of school.                            

For the first half of the school year the mysterious boy was my only friend. We did everything together, I started to fall for him. A part of myself told me not to love him, but I couldn't help it. One day he asked me if I loved him, I'm a terriable liar, so I didn't answer. Things were different between us after that; our friendship seemed non-existent. I felt miserable when I founded out he was avoiding me. I lost my best friend over love; I thought love was suppose to bring people together. My emotional scar runs deep; I don't think I can be fixed. 



Message to Readers

Any feedback is fine with me. Thank you.

Peer Review

It's a very touching story. It's not a common experience, but you do a very good job of conveying just why it happened the way it did. Through the whole second paragraph we know you're going to get emotionally scarred, but there's tension that keeps us interested as we wonder exactly how this situation will produce emotional trauma.

The experience of coming to a new school and trying to make friends. The effects of moving around so much. The type and strength of your friendship with "the mysterious boy."

Reviewer Comments

This is a touching and sad story. And the reflection is also well-structured: you go from broad reflection, to background information, to the specifics of how the scar was formed. There are some small things to pay attention to: tense things, comma/semicolon usage, selection of detail. But overall I applaud not only the manner in which you've expressed this story, but also your bravery in doing so. And please, never give up... scars heal, people change and mature, and things tend to turn out well in the end!