Peer Review by RockSugar98 (Singapore)()

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and i peeled back your golden skin only to find a human

By: weirdo


FREE WRITING

strange how such a starful being can be so human in essence; 
i looked beyond your beauty only to find blood and bones, 
and it’s occurred to me that god is an angel on a high pedestal, 
a worshiped personification of greed (but i can’t say that
 in the presence of these self proclaimed saints; i’m sorry, Father)

and maybe you’re a goddess, but mankind will always be 
stained on your magenta soul, ingrained in your moon rock skull,
buried in your pupils, and traced back to your hidden scars,
i broke my own vow, fell for imperfection yet again, 
like a fool drunk on lust and starvation and you
and don’t dare say you love me; my heart can’t bear humanity.


Peer Review

This is definitely a piece charged and pulsating with emotion. It started off with disbelief, melted into anguish and realization that one cannot escape their human confines before drawing to a gentle and rather melancholic close where one realizes it's been a beautiful yet cruel mistake. It's almost as though I could hear the sigh of disappointment mixed with being awe-struck as you discover that the person in question was human. There are elements of questioning where and how your feelings for her could be so extraordinarily transcendental, and if I daresay, other-worldly.


Definitely how these two people met! And more importantly, more description of how the girl is like: her appearance, her little quirks and habits and your favourite memory of her, perhaps.


Reviewer Comments

This is definitely a magnificent piece of writing. I definitely appreciated how you can turn such a well-explored theme as love and give such a lively take to it. Some of your adjectives add a dash of audacious flamboyance to the poem ("magenta soul", "moon-rock skull". )

It might be a good idea to clarify certain elements. E.g. the comparison between god and greed, though powerful, was a little confusing. Also, why "magenta" soul and "moon-rock" skull? What main idea are you trying to convey to your reader?

It is also a good idea to pay closer attention to some grammar errors (minor ones, already highlighted in your piece). Otherwise, it was definitely wonderful reading your work, and I hope to see more from you in the near future. Keep writing. :)