Peer Review by ⋆ katie ⋆ (United States)

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dirty boys

By: Ruthh


FREE WRITING

this is war.
i want you to ordain me with medals 
and hearts and the lungs of those you have 
silenced. i want to wear the liveries 
of the planets; the blood of mars and the
ice of neptune. i want you to make me
feel like jupiter - bloated by success.
i want to bob for the Adam’s apples 
of the boys in their fresh pressed khaki, and to trim their dirty fingernails, and take the cigarettes from their lips. 
‘you gotta be careful, those things will give you cancer,’
and then blast them to smithereens.
this is war: i want my stallion, my badge, my medallions and my mask of impunity. 
i want to hang them from the trees so that they can feel the roots of evil that eats their eyes and spreads from their blocked pores. dirty, dirty. 

if I’m honest with you, I have no bloody clue what this is.

Message to Readers

lowercase intentional because I’m lazy and it looks nice xx


Peer Review

i love it. i love love love it. i adore the absolute starvation that i felt reading this piece. i understood it and the only thought in my mind was "i am absolutely floored because I AM THAT, TOO". it's so interesting how you manage to portray both revolt and desire for the boys you write about.


i'd love to know if this was geared to be an 'i want to fix them' or an 'i want them to want me' type of thing. i felt both, and both are brilliant and effective and your language pulls the poem in both directions, so i'd love to hear what you initially intended with this!


Reviewer Comments

you're so talented. i love what you did with this piece!! :)