Peer Review by AminahMcBina (United States)

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An Ancient Rivalry #taleoftwotales #PrompyCompy5

By: VividReverie



My skin prickles, and I glance around me uneasily. The courtyard appears deserted, but I know better. I might be the youngest Hunter on the team, but I can sense better than almost anyone else when an Ancient is lurking. Plus, this courtyard in the ruins of a temple is one of their favourite places. It won’t be long before one comes out of hiding, trying to murder me. But what the bloodthirsty Ancient doesn’t know is that I’m prepared. I’m not just an innocent teenage girl wandering around a creepy temple at night. No, I’ve come with a mission in mind. I’m here to capture whatever Ancients are around, so they can never harm anyone again.

Like always, my thoughts drift to ones of my childhood best friend, Lauren. Taken by an Ancient when she was only ten years old. She is the reason I do this. I can’t let anyone else have a similar fate, and -

What was that? There was a distinct noise from behind me. I spin around, breathing hard. My eyes dart around, and with my right hand, I grab my sacred blade from my pocket. It’s made of the only material on earth that can harm Ancients - those spirits are immune to anything else you throw at them. It’s my most prized possession. I just wish I’d had it with me that day when Lauren was killed.

I blink, and then I see it. A pair of burning eyes, red and smouldering, peering out from the shadows.

Be brave, Maya. This is just another Ancient. You’re the best there is. You can handle this.

I hold out my dagger and start to inch closer to the Ancient, shuffling along the rough stone ground.

But then, the Ancient does something that makes me freeze. Something that has never happened before in the history of the Hunters.

It talks.

The Ancient

“Hello, Maya.”

The girl stops at the sound of my voice, her eyes widening in fear. I let out a low, gravelly laugh. My voice is rough from disuse. “You have come to kill me, have you?”

The girl’s voice shakes. “You would do the same to me.”

I sigh. “Perhaps I am different. How do you know I would? You are acting on a dangerous assumption. Perhaps all I want is... a deal. An arrangement of sorts.”

“I don’t trust you,” she spits. “Your kind killed my friend. It is our job to capture you and prevent you from doing any harm.”

“You Hunters. So quick to anger. Always ready with your dagger, ready to harm. You never once think that there could be a different way of doing things. It’s a shame, Maya. I thought you would be different.”

“What, you though that I would be weak, just because I’m young? Or is it because I’m a girl? Either way, you’re wrong.” She advances towards me with the knife in her outstretched hand.

I back away, the slightest hint of panic audible in my voice. “Hey, slow down. That’s certainly not what I thought. In fact, I’m young too. Well, I suppose five hundred and thirty years is young for an Ancient.”

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t run you through with this dagger,” the girl hisses menacingly.

I’ll admit it. I am afraid of her. Terrified. But I still have to try. 

“I’m not the villain here,” I plead. “You don’t have to be, either. All I want is a deal, where Ancients and humans can coexist, peacefull-”

I don’t have a chance to finish the sentence before the knife touches me, and the world disappears.

This is my entry for Sabine Of The Galaxy’s #taleoftwotales competition.

Message to Readers

I’d love to get feedback on this, if you have any thoughts or suggestions please comment or review!

Peer Review

Well, obviously it's a different world than we live in. I guess that's what makes this story enjoyable!

I'd really like to know if the Ancient was really harmless.

Reviewer Comments

You're a really great writer! Never stop writing.