elisa

United States

5teen. posts once in a blue moon
communist & survivor & latina & angry

Message to Readers

likes are cool, but they mean nothing. comment.

but always keep them on a leash

December 17, 2019

FREE WRITING

15
sometimes i imagine myself as if
i am younger, gloved and smelling of chlorine
pulling a scalpel through my skull
and tearing it apart like fruit 
to eat the membrane underneath

i wonder what i taste like. i think my brain
holds the stench of petroleum like a sponge.

poetry doesn't come easy to me
anymore. i am unaware of how to explain
the compulsions in my mind, the desperation
to burn. it comes in waves
like breathing,
like sound. the truth is i've loved fire since i was young,
toddler fingers reaching for blue flame and singed bangs 
pressing the smell of burning into my skin. the truth is 
i didn't need it 
until him.

something changed on spanish soil, something 
was stolen from me in 
valencian sunlight - and now the smell
of burning is back. i am choking on ashes. i am
standing on someone's ashes right now. who's ashes am i standing on?
who's bones am i breaking? i snap my tendons
and strike a match.
title: arsonist's lullaby, hozier

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  • December 17, 2019 - 9:58pm (Now Viewing)

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7 Comments
  • efflorescence

    aaaa i still can't get over the last lines, "i snap my tendons / and strike a match"! so unsettling but so raw and beautiful


    9 months ago
  • r|A|i|N

    it’s an unsettling piece of work, perhaps most prominently in its sharp relatability. even when writing poetry is difficult for you it appears effortless, your words shrewdly gathered together to form an inescapable impact. as always, it is very well done.


    10 months ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    the last stanza got me but my favorite line by far is "i think my brain / holds the stench of petroleum like a sponge." all the "who's"s should be "whose," though. fucking masterful


    10 months ago
  • she’s-got-a-story

    love the chlorine, the “whose bones am i breaking,” the mention of spain.
    your poetry may not come easy anymore, but the words you do share with us paint this beautiful fragmented picture of you. i love watching it come together.


    10 months ago
  • The Great Gabs-by

    You have vivid imagery which is a gem to read!


    10 months ago
  • babybluelamentations

    Whyyyy is this so beautiful??? It’s killing me and i love it. The feeling of strength in this piece is stunning and perfect and everything <3


    10 months ago
  • Anha

    sometimes poetry isn't sophisticated analogies. sometimes poetry is about conveying a message, and even though you say poetry doesn't come easy to you anymore, this says what you want it to say. maybe you think there is more you can say, and you're right - there probably is. but this is good poetry; don't you ever forget that.


    10 months ago