Peer Review by sasha7 (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

New York Nightmare

By: k.b53

As he took in the view from the twentieth floor, the lights went out all over the city and the busy sounds of New York City whirred to a halt. James wondered what had happened, the city had just been bursting a second ago. All the cars on the road stopped driving, which was weird because they don’t have brake petals for people to stop them with. He started to think, but then in the complete silence and dark, he heard something. He turned around to see no movement in the darkness. He got his phone out of his pocket, but to his surprise, it did not turn on. He stumbled into the kitchen and looked for a lighter. Once he found one, he grabbed a candle from the dining room and went back to where he heard the sound. Nothing was there. James decided to go take a look out in the hallway of his apartment building. James pushed open his front door and called out, with no response. There was a loud crash that came from his bedroom. James called out, but to no answer. He wanted to go to his neighbor Arthur’s house to talk to him, but he didn’t want to leave the person in his house alone. He decided to take a risk and go into his bedroom to see if anyone was in there. As his candle led the way into the bedroom, he couldn’t help but be frightened. The little light leading James around the room led him to his bathroom where he heard rustling. He followed the flame into the bathroom and looked around. He saw his other neighbor Blake’s cat. He thought to himself that it was all a coincidence, and nothing was going on in his apartment. At the same time, the electricity came back on. The TV in his bedroom flickered on, and a message appeared on the screen. All the TV showed was solid green, with a monotone constant buzz. There were subtitles across the screen explaining the situation. The words were going by very quickly, but James was able to figure out what it was explaining. There was a force located millions of miles away from earth, that was letting out massive magnetic waves that were messing with the electrical grid. It said to stay calm and get all living things underground as far as you can go because they did not know what else the force could do to buildings and other objects. James rushed as he grabbed his dog and Blake’s cat to head downstairs. He headed towards the elevator, but then the power went out again. He had to run down twenty stories worth of stairs to get to the main floor, not counting the two to get underground. He took off, with the sounds of his neighbors closely following him. As the walls went by him in a blur, the electricity came on and a loud siren went off throughout the city. The siren stopped and a voice told everyone to not go outside at all, no matter how much it was needed to. The siren started up again as James reached the ground floor of his building. He got down to the laundry room and saw his whole apartment building down there. There was anxiety in the air, as shaky voices socialized with each other about what was happening. Suddenly, loud crashes could be heard and the lights started flickering again. The siren stopped, and a loud whooshing sound encompassed everyone’s ears. The sound went on for minutes, with no sign of stopping. The sound finally stopped and the power came on. The siren started again for a couple of seconds, then the voice came back and explained that it was safe to return to doing things as normal. As the crowd of people went back to their apartments, James couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. He got on his phone and checked the news, and read the most horrifying thing he had ever read in his life.

Message to Readers

If I was repetitive and if the plot made sense

Peer Review

I would say the setting is why draws me in the most . Because of the size and density of New York City, anything that goes wrong in the city is a big deal. I believe that the author could use the aspects that make the city what it is ( such as the tall buildings) to his advantage when writing the piece by possibly , for instance , describing what effect the force had on these buildings .

I would like to know background info on this person . I would hope that this is discussed in the earlier chapters in the novel and that this excerpt Would maybe be in chapter 2-5 , and that the beginning chapters would give info as to who this person is ; unless; the author starts off the story this way for a specific purpose and decides to write the rest of the novel in a way in which he or she explains the main characters life before they endured this conflict through a series of flashbacks

Maybe more insight as to what the main character was doing before this incident ? Other than that, I feel that the author expands heavily on what is going on.

I believe that the landscape would definitely help bring this piece to life. But yes , I definitely have a sense of where this novel takes place.

I believe the novelist should keep at it because I could see this being a very interesting fiction / futuristic themed novel . Continue writing and posting on Write the World so that your readers, including me, can follow up !

Reviewer Comments

In response to to question in the message section on whether you are repetitive , I would say yes when it comes to explaining what’s going on and the craziness of the city . I believe this could be shortened and exchanged for some more crucial, or exciting information ; then again , just my opinion , take it as you wish :) definitely keep writing!