hi i'm jackson ;)

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whassup y'all
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us" -Gandalf
"It simply isn't a story worth telling if there aren't dragons" -JRRTolkien

Message to Readers

:) prayers are appreciated :)

December Is For New Beginnings

December 10, 2019

    I strolled home along the sidewalk, having just stepped off my bright yellow school bus. It was cold, but I wore my favorite navy flip flops anyways. The breeze twirled my hair behind me, and I stopped for a moment, thinking. I was at the foot of a very steep sidewalk up to my front door, a hard climb with my heavy backpack and sore legs. The chilly wind brushes my face again, and I remember when I used to live up north. Every year by this time, we would have snow. Down here, we're lucky if it frosts overnight. I smiled, haunted by memories of freezing fingers and numb noses, sparkling snowy hills and snow days. I remember sliding across a patch of ice and shrieking with laughter as I fall. I remember slushing through the snow in the schoolyard, even though I could've taken the sidewalk. But my smile slowly fades, as last Christmas reappears in my head. We had all gathered in my old house, with my new labradoodle puppy Indy and enough cheer for a lifetime. 
    It was my second Christmas without my grandfather. 
He died of a heart attack, just like my other grandpa, who died just around ten years ago when I was three. I still remember him. We've moved on, though. That's not why I'm sad. I'm sad because even though we had reason to be sad, I think that was my last truly happy month. Because February was when my dad told us that the church had fired him. My dad works as a Presbyterian pastor, and this was his very first job. It's ironic, because the day our lives were changed, I had just been talking about how I had a plan for my life.
    Trying to distract myself, I glance around at my surroundings. The trees are finally starting to change color, and they contrast very nicely with the clear, bright blue sky. Some are aburn, some are maroon, some are blazing orange, some are yellow, still more are evergreen. I laugh, because sometimes the end of something can be beautiful. But not this ending.
Anyway, the trees are beautiful but the grass is a ghastly shade of dismal dark brown. Sadly and slowly, I trudge up the sidewalk and into my house.
    Or should I say, the house I'm staying in? See, the last day the church gave my dad was Easter, all the way back in April. It has been seven or eight months, and we have been looking for a job the entire time. So, we assumed we would find one before summer was up, right? Wrong. We sold our house, but thankfully, our friends opened up their home to us while they are away. So, we are technically homeless.
    When I open the door, my full-grown dog slides across the floor to meet me. My family always laughs at her, because she is so ridiculous, following up the stairs on our heels, trying desperately to get a hold on the slick floors. She kind of fits our family that way.
    Anyway, I yell hello to my sister, brother, and mom, and sit down to work. And by work, I mean procrastinating. Instead of homework, I read fanfiction for Les Miserables, or play google snake, or write on Write The World. I know I have work due tomorrow, but it's just so hard to care these days.
Before long, my mind is wandering off to my current predicament yet again. The pale walls and the dark brown cabinets peer down on us, along with the glass decorations every few feet, making the house seem more like a museum. I used to have a home, it was full of our couches and chairs, our family photos, our foods in the pantry. Now, their faces watch us from their walls, their belongings litter their rooms, their cups and forks are touching our mouths, their TVs flashing, theirtheirtheir. I just want something of my own again, something I can keep for more than two-and-a-half years.
                                           ` ********************************************************`
    At my school, I walk through the halls with my friend Laura. She laughs and tells me about something that happened, though I still don't remember what it was. But I had come to an agreement the night before, with one of my closest friends, and she had advised me to tell them. Every day, after first period, we gather at the corner where we all part ways. "I kept them here for you," she says. So, I take a breath, and tell all my friends about how I'm leaving them in a matter of weeks.
    Christmas had sounded like a chord of rich golden bells chiming F and C and A. December used to be crimson and gold. 
It isn't anymore, it's dismal, echoing gray-blue. I used to think that everything would turn out alright, and there's still an optimistic version of me out there somewhere, but she's not here for sure. It's real now, it feels like I can see everything today. I can tell sometimes out there it might be close to okay again, but that's a while off. 
    But I won't give up all hope. I've seen what that does to people. I'm gonna keep my hope together because I'll remember last time something like this happened. I moved once before, and look how only two years have changed everything for me! I can get through this, as long as I have help. And I know a few people I can rely on for that...
    They've all told me how I impacted their lives, and how they'll never forget me.
I'll never forget them either. As one of my favorite musicals says:
No one deserves to be forgotten
No one deserves to fade away
No one should come and go
And have no one know he was even here
No one deserves to disappear.

Well, I'm planning on finding the fading people wherever I go next. I'm planning on bringing them together like I did here.
    I know it won't be the same. Nothing ever could be...my friends here are so wild, inclusive, accepting, crazy...nothing can compare. I can make things new for me instead. I'll never forget the people I met here, and I will love them always.

    Anyway, all this to say, I love my life here. I will always look back fondly.
But for me, December is for new beginnings.

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  • December 10, 2019 - 3:55pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • Princess Maira

    The description in this is beautiful. "December used to be crimson and gold." That is literally the most gorgeous sentence I have ever read.


    3 months ago