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Message to Readers
Hi guys! I'm new to the site and I'd like some feedback on this piece. I threw it together in a frenzy for the competition. I particularly like grammar and punctuation feedback as well as if the story gets confusing at any point.
I particularly liked the ending- the sadness and bitterness of earlier paragraphs were put in contrast with the rest of the tale. The narrator stops wishing for what could of been, and instead realises what they have it already home. I also like your descriptions, they are detailed beautifully and are very relatable (even as I sit here, I have the windows wide open and I’m dreading trying to sleep tonight).
This writer’s view of December changes over the piece. They dislike it at the start “December Depression”, because they feel lost, stuck between two worlds, with no real place in either, but by the end they realise that home doesn’t have to be a physical place and they are right where they should be.
The shift to the scene with your brothers and the Christmas music was a little abrupt, so perhaps work your way to it a little (and just a little), though the scene itself was very nice.
The ending was very good, as it linked the whole story up and finished on a positive note.
You have an excellent vocabulary, and your descriptions are very compelling, not to mention your lovely, flowing sentences. Please, keep writing, it’s a great feeling to read a work and not have to fret over grammar errors, and instead enjoy the tale.