Peer Review by Thebudgiewriter2019 (Australia)

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underground

By: ⋆ katie ⋆


PROMPT: One Home

we dig for poison

we great many people,
sitting above the ground,
drills searching for the antidote for life
the antidote for life that was created from life,
life long before humans.

a cure for life

we can power our ships and cars and planes
by tapping into the lives
of our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren

the cure for life is death

we dig for death

the antidote for life-
death-
created from death,
and when we burn it
we seal our fate
the way the fossil fuels
should have remained sealed into the ground

we dig for poison.

we dig for poison and await the day it finally overtakes us.

 


Peer Review

Wow I had very mized feelings about this but I definetly think it hit home where you intended it to.


Maybe you should use "they" in the entire piece and then at the end say "the they is actually us". Something like that? Then it would make it even more eye-opening and grippy.


Reviewer Comments

- I love the themes you have in here
- Um there was no punctuation so it was a little hard to read but I get it if it is free verse poetry.
- Overall, loved this.