Just a thought...

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~Senior

~She/Her

~Words are like blankets. I just want to be wrapped in them forever.

~ My drama teacher called me a chapstick lesbian. She really gets me.

~ I'm not uncomfortable but I feel so uncomfortable"
Wallows

Message to Readers

I hope you enjoy my anxiety filled notes to my not blood related dad.

dad (part 2)

December 5, 2019

FREE WRITING

0
Dear Mr. Z, 
        Today is a good day because after months of preparation, I made the first round honor group! I guess you were right, as always. I guess I really did know the audition pieces well. You did say I’m an overachiever. Anyway, the concert is next month and we still have to work together more. You can’t get rid of me that easily! See you next week for our lesson. 
                                                                                                                                                             From,        
                                                                                                                                                                    your student

Dear Mr. Z, 
        I’m sorry I left your class today. I just couldn’t handle it. Sometimes I bring issues from home to school without realizing it. The attacks just sneak up on me and I can’t help it sometimes. Thanks for trying to help me. Stop worrying about me though, I promise, I’ll be fine. I appreciate you listening. You’re a really good teacher. 
                                                                                                                                                              From,        
                                                                                                                                                                    your student

Dear Mr. Z, 
        Everyone loved the concert last night! I just wish the show choir alumni would just show up for the concert. I mean, they all go to school 20 minutes away from here. They’re bums. Whatever. Do you know when we’ll get the results for who got into the final honor group? I hope I did. You seem to be dropping hints but maybe it’s all in my head. Oh well, I guess we’ll see. 
                                                                                                                                                              From,         
                                                                                                                                                                    your student
Dear Mr. Z, 
        I GOT INTO THE HONOR GROUP! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! When you told me, I started crying and almost had an anxiety attack. You were so annoying about it though. Of course you just had to pull me out of class and make it seem like I was in trouble. Weren’t you supposed to be in class? Whatever, I don’t care. You know why? BECAUSE I GOT INTO THE HONOR GROUP! I can’t wait to go in a couple of months. Also, Merry Christmas. You didn’t tell me the good news until the day before break and I forgot to tell you. 
                                                                                                                                                              From,         
                                                                                                                                                                    your student

Dear Dad, 
        Today I came out to you after a short breakdown. I’m sorry I ruined our lesson, I really am. I know you don’t care, but I do. Thanks for being so supportive and knowing all the right things to say. You made it so much easier to finally be honest and breathe again. Oh, and the dad thing, it just feels right. Thank you for being there for me through all of this. You’re an amazing teacher. 
                                                                                                                                                             From,         
                                                                                                                                                                    your daughter

Dear Mr. Z, 
        You haven’t been at school for weeks and neither has Mrs. Z. We’re all worried about you because when you did show up, you weren’t yourself. Anyway, I hope you’re both alright. I hope the notes our clases gave you helped. I don’t know what to say but to get better and that we’re all here for the both of you. 
                                                                                                                                                               From,         
                                                                                                                                                                    your student
Dear Mr. Z, 
        I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a child but I know you’ll get through this. Thank you for confiding in us about why you were gone. It’s good that we know because now maybe we can be more sensitive about that topic. I’ll help out when people ask your wife about things of that nature during class. I hope I can help. I hope you feel better soon. You’re not you anymore. 
                                                                                                                                                               From,         
                                                                                                                                                                    your student

Dear Mr. Z, 
        You’re getting a lot better. We left early in the morning to get to the honor group with the band teacher and my friend who I roomed with for the next couple of nights. The trip up was quiet and anticipatory but the days we spent singing in the church were mind blowingly amazing. I loved being around people as serious about music as I was. When you hugged me and told me you were proud of me, I cried. Anyway, we got stuck a town over because of the snow and had to stay an extra night. When it was just you and me, you said that you’d applied for another job. I knew you’d get it but you weren’t so convinced. I’m worried about you leaving but you deserve this job. 
                                                                                                                                                               From,        
                                                                                                                                                                    your student

Dear Dad, 
        Today you told us that you got the job. I told you that you would. I guess I was right, as always. When you called us out of class, everyone asked me what was going on. You didn’t tell me, but I knew. I was the first to cry. You hugged me and I told you I was scared. You said it would be okay because we would still work together. Then you told me what I needed to hear the most. You said “It’ll be okay, daughter.” I’m so happy for you. But I’m still so scared. 
                                                                                                                                                              From,         
                                                                                                                                                                    your daughter

Dear Mr. Z, 
        Today you interviewed my new choir teacher for next year. You said they’re amazing and will keep the program alive and well. You also said that when you came around next year, you might not acknowledge us. Now everyone else is scared. It was hard to make jokes about you leaving. I still feel bad about calling you dad when you lost them so recently. I’m sorry about bringing it up. I’ll shut up now. 
                                                                                                                                                            From,         
                                                                                                                                                                    your daughter

Dear Mr. Z, 
        He’s hired. Your replacement, I mean. I acted cool in front of everyone but when I got home, I cried for hours. I don’t know when the tears stopped. I’m going to miss making fun of you and talking to you and everything else. You’re an amazing teacher. The only good thing coming out of this is that you said we can be friends when you leave. I guess not everything is terrible. 
                                                                                                                                        From,                 
                                                                                                                                                    your (soon to be) friend

Dear (first name), 
        After six years teaching here, you’re gone. You left the school with all of your belongings and memories. You gave me a letter thanking me for everything I did at your last concert as a teacher at this school. It was nothing compared for everything you’ve done for me. Honestly, thinking of next year scares me. I’m not going to be ready for all of the new things coming my way. I just have to get through this summer and then we can start lessons. I’ll see you soon. 
                                                                                                                                                             From,         
                                                                                                                                                                    your friend
I wrote this about how my father figure became my father figure in a series of letters I wrote to him. It took seven years for me to call him dad but he says it was worth it. 

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  • December 5, 2019 - 10:52am (Now Viewing)

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