United States

A high school writer looking to improve her writing and get feedback. A fan of fragments and commas,,,

Message to Readers

I'd like some feedback on my sentence structure for these two characters. Eliza tends to cram as much detail as she can into her sentences where Anthony is a lot more easy-going and in the moment.


May 28, 2016

PROMPT: Monologue

Eliza: It all started with a question. What time is it? Those few words jump start everything. Your pulse starts to pick up; your eyes dart towards your phone or watch; you start going through a mental list of all the things you have to do today. The answer to that question results in either a sigh of relief or a panic attack as you grab everything and race out the door. That was me. For the longest time, I was a slave to the clock. We all are. Everyone I knew was bound by chains of hours and seconds, except one person: my best friend. 

Anthony: It all started with a question. What time is it? A force of habit, that's all- we didn't have anywhere to go or be. We had nobody to please, nothing to run to. We were drifting. It was sunset. I remember the clouds from that day. They were thin, orange, casting purple shadows on the trees. I was content, she was restless. She knew that she had forgotten something, there was always something. So I walked her back home and learned that she was moving the next day. She hadn't wanted to tell me, but there was no hiding it. She promised to come back and visit, but Time made sure she never made good on that. We kept in touch, but eventually we drifted apart. The letters we wrote came back few and far between. By the time we were both in High School, they had stopped altogether. 

Eliza: I miss him a lot, but there's never any time to go back and visit. I can't even find the time to write to him anymore. Now it's been so long, I wouldn't know where to start. He's probably forgotten all about me by now anyway. He's made new friends, I'm sure. I've moved on too. I focused on school, on extracurriculars, on volunteering, on getting a job. Sometimes I look back and wonder where the time has gone. 

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