Peer Review by clos (United States)

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By: ollieollie


I played all the right notes

I followed every criticism

Surrendering my passion

My pride

My peace

At the suggestion of those who knew better

Because it's smart to play what your audience wants to hear

I put on the face and I wore it proud

And even though I hated it

I hate it

I did it

Damnit, I did it

And gave everyone the show that they asked for

So why, when I stood up and bowed, did nobody clap for me?

Message to Readers

College app season sucks

Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Peer Review

This piece really did surprise me and leave me feeling something. Maybe it was the emotion of the piece and the impact of the message but it was really well communicated. And with the line spacing it just emphasized the emotion even more. I think you did a great job getting across such a great relatable feeling where you can do everything right based on the opinions of others, and still fail. You did a great job with this piece.

I think it would be fun to explore the context of the applause. Meaning what happened that led up to the moments going on. Some questions that might help guide you, what performance was being done and where? How many weeks or months did it take to prepare for this? Was there anyone special sitting in the audience? What was the song like or what was the experience like playing, maybe you can describe the character's inner thoughts as they are performing? Why did the character hate the song, maybe exploring this could be more effective? These expansions can be made maybe in the beginning or middle. I feel like you have a lot of places you can take this piece, and all these questions come as a result of your great writing skills in this piece.

Reviewer Comments

I really liked this piece. Again, you do a great job invoking and describing this situation and what it's like. I'm sure many can relate to it and learn something from it. The emotion of this story was really something special and I saw that as I read through each carefully constructed line you wrote. The tone was great! Amazing job with this piece and good luck on your writing journeys!