The fear I feel isn’t normal. It’s always there, at night, at school, and when I am at home. It seems like I can’t find a safe space. Like there never was a safe place. Like it was all a lie.
I wasn’t always like this. About five years ago I lost someone special. They meant a lot to me. My dad, He found someone who makes him happy. When that happened I became just another person he knew. Ever since then I have a fear that I’m going to lose everyone I care about.
Later when I was older, my mom and I moved to live with my great grandfather which wasn’t a mistake. I became happy again. Until I came home to an empty heart. My grandpa was gone. My whole world was gone. My best friend, my happiness, and my hope.
After that I wasn’t the same. I was broken inside. I started to push people away. This was so I would not get hurt. When I was with family, everyone said it was like I wasn’t even there.
As I began to realize that he wasn’t going to come back, I started to pull my life together. My grades went up, I found my happiness again. I showed up to dances and family events. I never understood why he had to go, but yet again we never really understand. I was happy again, I still am. We can never get over what happened, but one thing is for sure, he lived a nice, happy life.
The fear is always going to be there. I have lost a lot of people. The fear is one thing I can’t lose. It will always be there, but the fear may be what I need to keep me on track.