Peer Review by thelostprince (United States of America)()

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delete my number

By: N.


FREE WRITING

I regret comparing you to Paris,
my dear brother of peace and poetry,
because you know it wouldn’t be fair if
my heart fell captive under lock and key.

Yet a stalking, crueler Paris still lurks
in the halls of apathetic young drones,
who hides behind lines of code and weird smirks
that claw at my brain and chill my bones.

I lied, tile leaving no place to hide;
but I know what you did, you foul Macbeth,
laying down wires of guilt just so I’d
let you drive me to my own painful death.

Gods, drive away he who does not hear no
before I seek the worms’ kingdom below.
 

For reference:
Paris is a character in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet; He was a suitor of Juliet
Macbeth is the main character in Shakespeare's Macbeth; He became King of Scotland through manipulation and murder

The first stanza is an allusion to a different piece that I wrote (though I never posted it here). It had overwhelmingly positive connotations but I still question why I used that character in particular for comparison. Live and learn, I guess.

In case you can't tell, I'm having fun reading the tragedies.

Message to Readers

If y'all want some background, there's this guy that spent a lot of time dumping his personal problems on me and then asked me out last year; I very kindly told him no, he was like "cool no big deal." I'm happy, finished freshman year, got through the summer, asked a girl out, she said nah, bounced back, met someone awesome when I got back to school, now we're dating, I'm excited... Fuckboi over here from freshman year science won't leave me alone. Sends messages. Slides into dms. Becomes an all-around creepbag. And I hate it.

So remember kids, no means no. Not maybe, not I'll think about it, not I'll change my mind someday. It's no.

On that delightful note, please comment on what you like/didn't like. I wanted to do a return to sonnets to round out the month, and this was an event I needed to process. :)


Peer Review

The subject matter! I'm a HUGE Shakespeare fan, and I always enjoy reading pieces inspired by Shakespeare on this website.


You have something really good here already, but I feel like this piece could be longer. Talk about more Shakespeare character like- people.


Reviewer Comments

As said before, you have something solid here. You don't have to make it longer, because that is your artistic choice.
I had fun reading this!
I hope you consider writing another Shakespeare-inspired piece!