Peer Review by L3X∅L∅TL (United States)

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Chapter - 3 | Please review

By: suaurum


FREE WRITING

Chapter - 1
Chapter - 2

CHAPTER | 3

A sharp intake of breath. A gasp for air in her water-filled lungs. A hysterical cough. A bout of water shooting out of her mouth. This was definitely not how Aurum had planned to make her entry in heaven.

Aurum rolled in the mud from the intense pain reverberating in her side. Rubbing her eyes, she slowly got up. Steadying herself, she opened her straining eyes.

And she found herself again at the beginning of her death.

“How in god’s name, am I alive?!” She shouted to no one in person. She turned towards the pond in which she had drowned. A leather bag rested at the edge of the pond. Not my bag, thought Aurum, then whose? She quickly ran over to the bag and began rummaging through its contents.

“Don’t you know it is rude to be sneaky with someone else’s belongings?” A voice said behind her.

Shit.

Aurum slowly got up and turned around to face the owner of the deep husky voice.

Black eyes. That was all she could register as soon as she saw him.

A boy of her age stood facing her. Black abyss-like eyes, assassin demeanour, unruly hair and a savage tongue. A scowl appeared on Aurum’s face.

The boy was taken aback. Clearly, he was not used to receiving scowls from girls.

Squaring his jaw, he dropped the bundles of logs, that had been resting on his shoulder, on the ground. He crouched down and started working on making a fire.

A shiver ran down Aurum’s spine. She was wet and it was getting colder. She looked around for her bag. It was nowhere to be seen.

Hugging herself, she walked up to him. He had managed to finally light a fire. The fire was mesmerizing. The yellow flames like ribbons danced gracefully on the barren land of the forest. Every now and then, throwing golden embers on the ground. The cackling of the burning fire was the only sound disturbing the silence of the dark forest.

The boy stood up and dusted his palm on his jeans. He looked at her. Aurum immediately looked away. Those black eyes.

“I am cold.” She said, looking away.

“There is a fire over there” He said.

Aurum bit the inside of her cheek. “Where is my bag?” She said slowly.

“And I am supposed to know, why?” He almost sounded bored.

Anger surged through Aurum. In one swift movement, she turned around and went back to the leather bag. Spotting a brown overcoat, she smirked to herself. Taking it out, she slipped into the large overcoat. Pursing her lips, Aurum walked straight ahead, brushing past the guy and sat down near the fire.

He turned to face her and saw her tanned brown skin illuminated in a golden halo. The fire’s glow reflected on her, highlighting her brown, angry eyes.

Shrugging, he walked up to the fire and sat across from her.

“I am Caspian.” He said carefully.

Aurum glanced at him. His gaze was on the fire.

“Did you save me? From drowning?” He nodded.

“How? I was already dead.” She whispered.

“Who tried to kill you?” He asked, ignoring her question.

“I asked you first— “

“Doesn’t matter.” He said harshly. Aurum was surprised at the coldness of his voice. Caspian looked her in the eyes. Those black eyes, Aurum thought with a start. Her eyes widened in fear and she got up immediately.

“Yo-you are the one who tried to kill me” She choked out, “Why? Why are you doing this?”

How is it? How is it?

Message to Readers

Please review! Be harsh, critical, mean and everything!
Thank you for reading.


Peer Review

The intro let me in and kindly showed me out with lots of questions left


Is the overcoat her's? Where is her bag.


Reviewer Comments

I don't think Caspian tried to drown her. I think he actually saved her life, that someone sent him to. He doesn't sound angelic but demons don't tend to ressurect sad people.