Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Just fixed some bugs and Tada.....all my likes are gone. Please guys!! Whoever has liked my previous version with 7 likes please like this one.
A generally well-written piece that encapsulated the wonders of the change of time and the relationships between people with very close and unique attention to the symbol of the smog. Use of the movie in giving your piece a character is incredible, using the Frozen classic to give a special voice to the story. Storytelling seems smooth and fluid, having fused your personal voice with lines from the movie to give a platform for readers to connect with the piece immediately.
December has seemed to become a season of loss and disappointment for the writer. Losing the season of snow and also her uncle, the writer wrestles with the conventional idea of this season being one of joy. Tension is apparent in the writer's storytelling technique. However, within these losses, the writer shows that December is truly beautiful because the losses are filled with hope. To the writer, December is simply a celebration of the beauty of hope.
The inclusion of the part on the paint seems abrupt and out of the blue. While the description of the paint is powerful to bring out the idea of the smog, there seems to be no apparent connection to painting in the paragraphs both before and after the short paragraph. The writer could have shown the link between painting and her life. Perhaps, the piece would then have greater meaning and power in touching readers. The writer could possibly consider how painting connects to her life, how painting is a representative of herself, the people around her and the environment around her.
The writer could also have gone deeper into her very special relationship with snow. Since smog has been used as a symbolism of negativity, does snow represent positivity? Why the very intimate connection and longing for snow? A deeper description of the snow could have allowed for a comparison between snow and smog? Consider also the idea of snow in Frozen and in real life. Are the two types of snow the same?
Ending is satisfying with the strong connection to the movie. Shows growth and maturity in the writer's voice in being able to grasp the words of Frozen into her very own writing. Use of Frozen is both apt and very timely to strike a chord in all readers alike.
Keep writing and rewriting. When you feel that what you have written in the past was not the best, know that you have improved. All the best. :))