Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Hey guys!!!! Honestly speaking, winter in India this year absolutely sucks. Kolkata has been announced to be the most polluted state beating New Delhi. As for Darjeeling....it's just the smog...
I really admired the subject matter of your piece. Each paragraph seemed to address a different issue, all of which had a personal connection to you. For example, I think your fourth paragraph is very strong because you show how the smog has impacted you and how the 25th of December has a special meaning to your family.
I think the month of December has multiple meanings for you. It is clear that there is some sadness associated with the month, especially regarding your uncle's death, but there is also some hope, which you start to mention towards the end of your piece.
I really like your fourth paragraph. I think you excelled at using a personal anecdote to emphasize both the effect smog has had on you and the significance of December. In your sixth paragraph, however, I think you should try to go into further detail about your interaction with your mother. How did she laughing at you for wanting to see Frozen 2 effect you? Maybe you could try to focus this paragraph about the beauty of pollution to balance out the negative aspect you described in the fourth paragraph.
No, I do not feel satisfied by the ending. I really like how you started to weave together your own childhood experiences with scenes from Frozen 2 because this shows how the snow has affected you. However, I think your ending felt more fragmented and less cohesive. To make your conclusion more satisfying and powerful, try strengthening your last sentence. Reiterate your main idea in a succinct way.
Keep going! I think your piece encompasses some very interesting ideas, and you did a good job of connecting December to your own life and an environmental issue. While I noticed some grammar and formatting errors, your concepts were very thoughtful.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your piece! I think you addressed some very important issues in your writing, all while connecting them back to your own life. Despite some technical errors, your ideas were still presented clearly and effectively. Good luck!