Peer Review by efflorescence (United States of America)()

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My December. ( please like and review)

By: MimiChoudhury

As I looked out of the window sill to imbue the mesmerizing soft solid drizzling vividly from the scarlett coloured sky,  I found the dense droplets of water vapour staring back at me instead. This year...there was going to be no sign of snow in the country. Or so I've heard.

Frozen 2 had just hit the theatres on 22nd November... but there was still no sign of winter in India.

As my head rested on the violet cushion that Mumma had gifted to me for an early Christmas present, my eyes tentatively went back to the scene outside the window. Last year there had been a cluster of boys runnings about in the field, clearing up the snow. This year, it was just the smog. 

I remember riding  up to my uncle's house on the 25th of each and every December . The date held a special significance for us - not only because it was Christmas , but also because it was their anniversary date. I used to order the roasted turkey early in the morning - and in the evening, when aunty would start getting worried about the lunch, a big fat turkey would appear magically on the table. They were all habituated on this trick of mine- but still they went into fits of laughter . We had to stop those gatherings after uncle's car accident. The old man was crossing the road when a huge truck appeared out of nowhere in front of him. When questioned, the truck driver said that he could not see a single particle in the fog. My uncle died on the second day. They said it was extensive blood loss. I said ... It was the smog.  

I could paint those colours those colours in the sky- that crimson yellow shades with a touch of  Scarlett. I could paint them in my canvas -replicate them exactly to the point. But the problem was that I had finished my grey paint. Without that, how can I replicate the atmosphere outside??

 Mumma called for me this morning. Formerly, she had laughed at the idea of watching Frozen 2 in the theatres. "  Are you still a kid of five ?" she had said.  Maybe yes; along the  years, my height had grown- and so had my maturity. My eyes had now become accustomed to the vast blanket of smoke and water vapour in the sky every morning . You  call it pollution. I call it beauty. Mumma had  taught me to always find out some beauty in the ugliest things in the universe.  It  was the beauty that lay in the fog that mesmerized me now.

But still sometimes- a part of my soul, which was perhaps still immature, would nag  me to go find a part of my childhood winter. Those foggy  mornings with faint droplets of water replicating numerous pearls on the soft lush green grass. Elsa's hand swirling in the air...........Anna singing ' For the first time in forever' .........the ride to my uncle's......Kristoff singing "Reindeers are better than people" to Sven......those droplets of dew touching the surface of the grass.....but now- now it was just the smog....

Message to Readers

Hey guys!!!! Honestly speaking, winter in India this year absolutely sucks. Kolkata has been announced to be the most polluted state beating New Delhi. As for's just the smog...

Peer Review

I really admired the subject matter of your piece. Each paragraph seemed to address a different issue, all of which had a personal connection to you. For example, I think your fourth paragraph is very strong because you show how the smog has impacted you and how the 25th of December has a special meaning to your family.

I think the month of December has multiple meanings for you. It is clear that there is some sadness associated with the month, especially regarding your uncle's death, but there is also some hope, which you start to mention towards the end of your piece.

I really like your fourth paragraph. I think you excelled at using a personal anecdote to emphasize both the effect smog has had on you and the significance of December. In your sixth paragraph, however, I think you should try to go into further detail about your interaction with your mother. How did she laughing at you for wanting to see Frozen 2 effect you? Maybe you could try to focus this paragraph about the beauty of pollution to balance out the negative aspect you described in the fourth paragraph.

No, I do not feel satisfied by the ending. I really like how you started to weave together your own childhood experiences with scenes from Frozen 2 because this shows how the snow has affected you. However, I think your ending felt more fragmented and less cohesive. To make your conclusion more satisfying and powerful, try strengthening your last sentence. Reiterate your main idea in a succinct way.

Keep going! I think your piece encompasses some very interesting ideas, and you did a good job of connecting December to your own life and an environmental issue. While I noticed some grammar and formatting errors, your concepts were very thoughtful.

Reviewer Comments

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your piece! I think you addressed some very important issues in your writing, all while connecting them back to your own life. Despite some technical errors, your ideas were still presented clearly and effectively. Good luck!