I have a job that doesn't reward me with monetary income. A very difficult job that is mine from birth to death. The job to be the family's outsider. I am the youngest of all my mother's daughters as well as the youngest of all my father's children. The 4th child on both sides. I am supposed to be the baby who cheers everyone up, the one who is innocent, the one everyone can lie to and play pretend with. I am the neutral party. I know both sides of a conflict and pick neither side. However, ever since that awful day many years ago, I have been failing to do my job. I've become tainted with negative emotions directed towards everyone. I can longer successfully cheer my family up, I am no longer innocent and ignorant though people continue to lie and pretend with me. My job is difficult, and sometime lonely because nobody understands how hard it is to try to not care too much about everything. If you care too much about everything, and everything falls apart, what will be left of myself? What of my family? Who will keep them connected in this small way that I connect them?