Peer Review by Lelyanotleyla (Kenya)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


bunny sized dragon

By: Crime_time


FREE WRITING

I hid behind my couch waiting for the creature to take the bait. My eyes started to grow heavy, maybe there was no creature, maybe I was just misplacing the items. I walked to my room, I'd clean up the bait in the morning. When I woke up I walked into the living room seeing the bait still there. I was right there was no creature I just misplaced the items. Walking into the Kitchen and pouring myself some coffee I saw a claw mark on the counter. Suddenly I herd a noise in the living room, rushing I saw all the bait was gone. A flash of red appeared in the corner of my eyes.

I sprinted after it trying to catch it, running face first through the dry plaster wall. Inside I see the weirdest thing, all the  bait I left. A small flap opens on the wall opposite and climbing tiredly up the pile of bait is a small bunny sized dragon adding all the change I used as bait to it's large horad of money.

if you can't tell the change was bait

Message to Readers

helloooooooooooo


Peer Review

The concept was all in all adorable. The title really pulled me in.


I really liked the story, it is really good. I really liked how you made it seem like a 'hunt' which pulls the reader in and keeps their attention. Great job! Maybe in your next draft you could incorporate more description in the discovery.


Reviewer Comments

Your writing is concise and straight to the point, which is very good for a short story of this theme.

Most importantly: Please set the scene. Build a setting for your reader to visualize using description and make sure they know when the scene is changing. As much as possible, try and make sure the reader is reading the story you meant to tell. That by reading the story they can see it and understand it just as well as you do.

It was a pleasure reading this story. It's quite honestly the best children's short story I've ever read on this site.