Message to Readers

Criticize please.

Done with the moon

November 23, 2019


Lunar Breech

Hello, old friend, its been a while
since you had me number to dial
not that I care anymore
just hear me out even if its gonna spell war:
why hadn't you made us a tea?
and called me over like a team
I always did this remember?
one of those days in the ember
and when i tried to let you know
you asked the clouds to keep you low
today you appear like magic
just to make the picture enigmatic
I know that is what you want
to be the center of attentive thought
who made you?
who made me?
our maker must be partial
or probably racial
for placing you above and making you a nimbus
and on the crust I tailor without a thimble
and they'll say I'm a loon
when I pick a gun and shoot at the moon.


See History
  • November 23, 2019 - 6:16am (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

  • Starlitskies

    woah woah woah! Stunning piece! It really caught my eye how you cleverly bent the usual phrase 'centre of attention' to "centre of attentive thought" and made it rhyme! And to echo the previous comment, the last two lines are brilliant!
    I came all the way here because I saw your recent comment on a piece: "You should double your efforts and trust me, the sun would be a dot by your side." Is it a quote from somewhere or did you come up with it? Cos if that is not poetry I don't know what is! 'the sun would be a dot by your side' - quite literally breathtaking!

    4 months ago
  • Stephen

    thanks kepler

    almost 2 years ago
  • Kepler

    The last two lines, man. The last two lines. They (and the rest of it) are absolutely beautiful.

    almost 2 years ago