Peer Review by Angelina Nguyen (Australia)

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If I Were To Have A Daughter

By: casamiento


FREE WRITING

If I were to have a daughter, I'd paint the universe on her walls. 
If I were to have a daughter, I'd draw the Solar System on her back.
I'd teach her that our Earth is small, and our Earth is special and unique.
I'd teach her that we are small but mighty,
We can uncover the secrets of the universe or stay small.


If I were to have a daughter, I'd teach her how dangerous the world is. 
If I were to have a daughter, I'd teach her how beautiful the world can be.
I'd tell her the world is big and scary
I'd tell her if you can learn to be bigger than all that, you'd survive
"Be brave," I'd tell her, "be humble, and strong."


If I were to have a daughter, I'd make her watch every movie and film ever made
If I were to have a daughter, I'd have her watch Twilight Zone every summer until she falls asleep
I'd tell her sometimes we learn from the worst things
I'd tell her sometimes it is good to lay back and do nothing, to keep your mind thinking and reeling


If I were to have a daughter, I'd tell her that sometimes you won't have enough heart to keep it in
If I were to have a daughter, I'd tell her that it's okay to cry 
I'd make sure she knows that she can yell and punch a wall
Or that she can cry and tear a photo
I'd tell her everyday that you cry so you can remember how beautiful it feels to let it out


If I were to have a daughter, she'd know how to run
If I were to have a daughter, I'd make sure her feet can carry her for miles
I want her to know that running away isn't always going to help
That avoiding the disease will make it worse


If I were to have a daughter, I'd make sure she keeps her head high
If I were to have a daughter, I'd make sure she knows how to keep her eyes wide
She'd know that the world is too big to be perfect
That the world is too small to be important 


If I were to have a daughter, she'd know that keeping her hands out isn't going to catch the rainbow
That happiness is always to far to grab but close enough to smell
She'd know that her knees will always have burns and bruises but that's nothing compared to the pain of getting back up again 
No matter how many times you stitch the hole in your jacket, it's always gonna a tear 
Sometimes it's better to let it tear 


 


Peer Review

"We can uncover the secrets of the universe or stay small"; this sentence shows a caring mother offering a choice for their daughter, something most children need to have. You have created a respectable parental figure who motivates and is willing to stand by their children's ambitions, but also is accepting and understanding to them simply being them. This is a great ideology that parenting should be fixated around, rather than having expectations for children and forcing them to be more or less than what they can be.


I feel inspired by your philosophies to parenting and the maternal instinct. This piece crafts a sense of hope and faith in the future of families and how we educate our children to be able to feel vulnerable and yet secure.


I am curious as to the inspiration behind this piece and to the writing process of it. The structure is something I really admire and the piece, in itself, flows incredibly well because of how organised it is. I would love to know how it was planned out and created!


Reviewer Comments

The piece grants children, as well as us, permission to embrace femininity and to feel strength in weakness. It discusses the beauties in raising children and teaching them how to live healthily in a toxic world as ours.

Your anaphora of "If I were to have a daughter" is super effective and continuously reminds the reader of what your piece is about. I, for one, usually forget the title of what I'm reading midway through so to have it repeatedly mentioned, though in different contexts and with different connotations, enables me to see the greater picture of your writing.

I noticed that sometimes you have full stops at the end of sentences, and sometimes you don't. I'm not sure if this is intentional but you can definitely make it so by experimenting with punctuation to emphasise or link different ideas together! I always encourage writers to play around with punctuation because once we know the rules of how to use it, we should break them and discover new ways to. I only offer suggestions in my reviews to show an interpretation so don't feel like you are inclined to take my feedback on board! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and the advice I give might be more applicable to future pieces that you may write.

Overall, I am highly impressed and hope that you continue to showcase your writing on this platform as you evidently have so far. Happy writing!