Peer Review by L3X∅L∅TL (United States)

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trust issues

By: Rival


FREE WRITING

trust issues
tear's and tissue's 
i wish i could kiss you
one more time
but i can't 
so i stick to these rhyme's
i'll speak to my time's
i'm tired of all the lie's
boy's when you find a girl
try and stick with her till the end of the world
and remember that they have heart
don't break it
leave
come back, and it just out of nowhere to start
do something nice for her
you don't have to buy ice for her
maybe take her out for dinner
make her feel like when she picked you she picked a winner
but remember it's not all about look's
girl's your turn
stop bouncing back and forth
pick a good guy and stick to him like a fort
stick to that man and don't worry about what he's worth


Message to Readers

think about what i mean. guy's, girl's no offense.


Peer Review

The overall message of the piece, of treating girls right and they should treat you right, right back.


Where you said, "You don't have to buy ice for her.", did you mean ice cream or ice like jewlery or like a snow cone? Or a cup of physical ice?


Reviewer Comments

This would make a good song, gives me Fall Out Boy/ Frank Iero and the Future Violents vibes.