Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I really love the mix of imagery and rhythm in this piece, it's fantastic.
You mention ache and heartache but not enough to really back it up aside from the last verse I highlighted. I think the piece really flows an works together amazingly, but perhaps trying to add a little to the reason why you've fallen out of love might strengthen the piece.
This poem is a bop.