Peer Review by Vannah (United States)

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Out Of Love; Into Hope.

By: Ryndi_g


FREE WRITING

Yes.
I fell for you. 
Your eyes, your lips, your hands. 
And yes, that love was true.

The curve of your smile sent me head over heels- 
but now I can stand, feet planted firmly
With a new, beating heart that even you cannot steal. 

I have left this love for you- and for that I am sorry
left it to photographs and late night calls; 
they can tell our story. 

A blossomed love wilted with time 
it bled my heart dry 
my veins- severed with lies. 

The electricity that sparked with your touch
is harder and harder to feel with each day- 
Im afraid my dear, the ache is too much. 

I have to let you go. 
I have fallen for someone new. 
their eyes, their lips, their hands, 
that electric spark, too. 

But something is different this time around,
for with all the love we cherished in time, 
each night I was still left broken inside. 

With this new blossom of hopeful love, 
my tears are left dry 
and are replaced with kind, gentle words 
That's what I needed; something you could not try. 

Even though you once captured the glint in my eye; 
I will take this chance to offer a final goodbye. 


Peer Review

I really love the mix of imagery and rhythm in this piece, it's fantastic.


You mention ache and heartache but not enough to really back it up aside from the last verse I highlighted. I think the piece really flows an works together amazingly, but perhaps trying to add a little to the reason why you've fallen out of love might strengthen the piece.


Reviewer Comments

This poem is a bop.