Peer Review by Huda Ayaz (United States of America)()

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Death's Humble Inn

By: JakeFrommStateFarm


FREE WRITING

Death waits for us all,
And patiently he waits,
Fr it is only a matter of time
Before all men enter His gates.

"All hope abandon, ye who enter here,"
He says, "For within ye shall spend all of eternity's years."

"Put away your wails, put away your moans,
"Put away your pleas of mercy.
"For ye have had your chance on earth,
"And now you must live in my country

"Trapped thou art, never to leave."
Disheartened by this news, they crumble to my knees.

They cannot endure this torture.
There must be some escape.
"There is none," says Death,
"Your soul is mine. This Inferno is your place."

"Stuck, thou art, as instruments for my jests.
"And I assure ye, that here, thy souls shall never find rest.

"You've drank the Cup of Death once before,
"And cannot drink of it once again.
"So here you are, damned to this Hell
"As payment for your sin."

"You won't enjoy your stay at Deaths' humble inn.
"For in the game of life, Death is the only one who truly wins."
 

"All hope abandon, ye who enter here," is a a quote from the sign on the Gate of Hell in Dante's Inferno. 

Message to Readers

I haven't published a poem in a while, so this piece is a little overdue.
I'll try to post more poems from now on!
Any feedback you have on this piece is great!
Please like and follow if you enjoyed this piece!


Peer Review

Again, I can't help but love how the archaic language you use in this poem helps solidify the feeling you're trying to evoke from readers. I don't know anything about the rules of using it, but if you haven't already, I suggest checking over your usage and making sure you've been using it correctly. I found this link to be helpful: http://lindblomeagles.org/ourpages/auto/2015/4/17/39615708/R_J%20Shakespearean%20love%20letter%20and%20Language.docx It also has a few other words that may inspire you for other parts, so definitely check it out! (Let me know if the link isn't working, I'll resend it)


You've pretty much answered my question from last time of whether this has a main character or not. I'm guessing this is a standalone piece from how you revised it and I like it; although I could see it longer, this alone is enough in its own way too, especially with the pronouns fixed. I still wonder about the Cup of Death. Since you've capitalized it, does it refer to something specific? Like a myth or some other story? Or do you write it as purely metaphorical? That's the only part that's still a bit fuzzy for me. Otherwise, well done.


Reviewer Comments

I'm glad you worked on revising this! It's actually quite rare for someone to get back to me with revisions made on their work so I applaud you coming back to your poem instead of leaving it. The changes really helped improve this and though I pointed out a few more things I noticed, this poem is on its way to a final version!