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Message to Readers
I haven't published a poem in a while, so this piece is a little overdue.
I'll try to post more poems from now on!
Any feedback you have on this piece is great!
Please like and follow if you enjoyed this piece!
The build up for this is amazing. You develop the feeling of there being no hope steadily and end with that line that really makes it settle in. I liked your usage of archaic language too. It aligns well with Dante's Inferno, especially with the lines rhyming smoothly.
The introduction of a narrator in the middle is a bit sudden as the poem is usually referring to the general audience of everyone entering Hell but suddenly switches. Death also continues to talk as if he's speaking to everyone so I don't see how it fits (unless this is going to become a larger piece with a narrator then you can either disregard this or consider mentioning the narrator earlier). However, I like these lines a lot of the character feeling despair. Instead, if this is one piece, consider switching "I" to "we" or even "they."
Even though this poem is pretty awesome already, I hope this review helps!