Peer Review by Huda Ayaz (United States)

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Death's Humble Inn

By: JakeFrommStateFarm


FREE WRITING

Death waits for us all,
And patiently he waits,
Fr it is only a matter of time
Before all men enter His gates.

"All hope abandon, ye who enter here,"
He says, "For within ye shall spend all of eternity's years."

"Put away your wails, put away your moans,
"Put away your pleas of mercy.
"For ye had your time on earth,
"So don't be angered with me.

"For now trapped you are, never to leave."
Disheartened by this news, I crumble to my knees.

I cannot endure this torture.
There must be some escape.
"There is none," says Death,
"Your soul is mine. This Inferno is your place."

"Stuck, thou art, as instruments for my jests.
"And I assure ye, that here, thy souls shall never find rest.

"You've drank of my Cup once before
"And cannot drink of it once again.
"So here you are, damned to this Hell
"As payment for your sin."

"You won't enjoy your stay at Deaths' humble inn.
"For in the game of life, Death is the only one who truly wins."
 

"All hope abandon, ye who enter here," is a a quote from the sign on the Gate of Hell in Dante's Inferno. 

Message to Readers

I haven't published a poem in a while, so this piece is a little overdue.
I'll try to post more poems from now on!
Any feedback you have on this piece is great!
Please like and follow if you enjoyed this piece!


Peer Review

The build up for this is amazing. You develop the feeling of there being no hope steadily and end with that line that really makes it settle in. I liked your usage of archaic language too. It aligns well with Dante's Inferno, especially with the lines rhyming smoothly.


The introduction of a narrator in the middle is a bit sudden as the poem is usually referring to the general audience of everyone entering Hell but suddenly switches. Death also continues to talk as if he's speaking to everyone so I don't see how it fits (unless this is going to become a larger piece with a narrator then you can either disregard this or consider mentioning the narrator earlier). However, I like these lines a lot of the character feeling despair. Instead, if this is one piece, consider switching "I" to "we" or even "they."


Reviewer Comments

Even though this poem is pretty awesome already, I hope this review helps!