I woke up to loud and obnoxious thumping at my door in two in the morning. I knew who it was but did not want to let him in. Ever since I let him come into my life I knew there was no going back. I knew he could make my life beautiful and vibrant but at the same time, he could destroy it, all with a snap of his fingers and make it dark and miserable.
"Baby, let me in, please. I didn't mean what I said, you know it." Basil shouted through the dark oak door.
I wasn't going to let him in, I couldn't. He has made me feel sad and pathic to many times. It's my turn to hold my ground.
I got out of bed and went to the door. The floor was cold and slick under my toes. I turned on a lamp and looked out the peephole to see him. Basil, my on and off boyfriend for at least two years was sitting against the naibours door. He was a tall and thin man with the most unruly curly hair and sharp features in the face. One of the most handsome men that I have met.
"What do you want Basil? To come back in my apartment and say nice things to me and then make me feel small and pathic, you do this all the time, I've had enough," I said through the door. I peeked in the tiny hole and I saw him lookup. He started to cry, not just a silent sob but the large and breathy sob you see on drama tv. He put his hands to his face and started shaking with his cries.
I knew I had to keep my ground but I wasn't going to let him make a scene to all my naibours. I unlocked my door and opened it a crack to see him. It was one thing for Basil to be mad and make a scene like a toddler but it was another to see him cry like this. He never cried, never. The only time I've seen him do so was his uncle's funeral.
"You can come in and stay the night but you are sleeping on the couch," I whispered to him and left the door open.
I padded to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water for myself and slowly drank it as I watched him come in. Basil looked lost like he's never been to my house when the truth is he lives here and I locked him out for the third time this week. I knew at that moment that I was going to take off as soon as he fell asleep.
Basil and I were in love at one point, just like every other couple that starts. We would go on romantic dates and have sleepovers. Sometimes I think back to one of my favourite dates and try to remember the Basil that loved me. On that date he took me to Times Square, it was a nice warm night in the city, and I can remember all the flashing lights and advertisements. It was whimsical and memorizing. We were in a coffee shop and I could see into his grey husky eyes, I saw someone so enticing and bewitching, I thought he was the one.
Something flipped in him one day and he became angry and closed off from me. I don't know what happened but I knew he became very jealous and manipulative. I couldn't do anything, he would criticize me on everything and make me feel bad. Today I had enough, it was my turn to flip on him.
Basil took off his boots and jacket then came over to the kitchen. He stood across from me with the white marble island between us. The tension was thick, we both knew what happened and he knows he needs to own up to his actions.
"Alice, please hear me out, I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean what I said," he whispered. I could see the silent tears running down his cheeks as he sniffled.
I looked him dead in the eyes, with as much anger and hatred I could and said, "This is a toxic cycle, how can you not pick up on this. We are both not right for each other. We can't stop it and we both are brutally hurting our selves over and over again." He looked in my eyes and all he said was 'I'm sorry.' I lost my mind and was outraged. I grabbed my glass that drank out of earlier and smashed it on the floor. Tiny shards of glass flew everywhere, I watched each one and thought to myself that this is it, this is my grand exit to my free life.
"I'm going to sleep, we will finish this conversation in the morning," I said breathing heavy after our screaming match.
Basil nodded and went to the couch and lied down.
I went to my room and closed my door softly. Once I was in there I grabbed all my valuables and clothes. Then I packed them nicely in my suitcase. Basil could have the apartment, I don't care I need to leave, we both aren't going anywhere screaming at each other every day.
I wrote him a letter and set it on the coffee table by where he was sleeping, I put my keys to the mailbox and the door there too.
The letters read: Basil, we both know this is not working out for us. I'm sorry that it had to be this way but I think its better if I left. Please don't call me I will be fine on my own. I'll call you when I think you have grown up and moved passed this point in your life. Goodbye, Basil.
Once I left, I went to my car and turned the music up all the way and started my own free life, watching the sunrise with a silent tear rolling down my cheak.