Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I had to edit due to some circumstances of the write the world community.
The first paragraph was really interesting, and I loved the idea of Bella living peacefully with ghosts. It added a nice atmosphere to the beginning of your story and made me want to keep reading!
You did a great job of making Bella seem like a real person by giving her habits such as putting candy out for Halloween every year. It also helped me see picture her better when you gave her a family and children, thus making her more realistic. However, it would be nice if you elaborated a little bit more on her age and physical features, as I started the story off thinking she was around 20 when she was really much older.
While you described your setting well, I had a bit of a hard time following the story itself. I would also recommend specifying more when the point of view changes from Jack to Bella, as I had to reread some parts a few times before understanding them. I'd also like to know a little bit more about Bella's reasoning about why she left her children with her boyfriend/husband if she knew he was unstable and she loved them. In addition, you talk a lot about two ghosts and never really elaborate on who they are and why they're there. As that was one of the reasons I started reading, I'd love to know more about them. Finally, just as a bit of advice, I noticed you switch a lot between present ("I say this") and past ("I said this") tense. I would suggest picking just one and sticking with it.
Your setting started off really strong! I was really drawn to the story from the way you described Bella's cryptic old house. I feel like as you got more into the story you stopped describing a bit. I would recommend that you keep your description consistent throughout the story. I was also a little confused near the end, when it was revealed that Bella's boyfriend/husband had killed her daughters in the basement of her own house, despite having said that she'd left them at his other house.
Your story has great potential and you obviously have great creativity! I would say keep on writing whenever you can, and get advice from whoever is willing to give it. I love the atmosphere of your story and hope that you keep on writing!
Keep on practicing! You have great potential and so does your story! I hope to see more writing from you in the future!