Peer Review by SoulStone (United States)

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Coincidence? Fate?

By: Dmoral


FREE WRITING

Coincidence?
That's what you think, you free-willed strong-headed nonbeliever of fate.
"I haven't seen you since we were kids," you laugh, taking me in.
My face no longer round and pudgy in the cheeks, my jawbone more defined and my nose more petite. I can tell by the surprise in your eyes that you notice the weight I lost, even though I was never really fat, I use to be thick. My legs are longer and there's less of my thighs, making it so I fit in these skinny jeans just right. My hips are curvy and my breasts bigger, it seems I've grown into the woman you never really thought I'd become. My stomach is flatter and there's a piercing in my belly button, meaning I like the way I look in crop tops, and you make note that I no longer tug my shirt down.
"You look so different," I smile, and it's true. 
Just as I have, you look quite different too. It seems you know what a haircut is, after all, your hair is much shorter now, but still that cocoa brown. Your face has stubbles of hair on your chin, it seems like you haven't shaved in a couple of days. Your face has thinned out too, just as mine did. But what I notice most is the way your chest changed, no longer skinny frail glasses kid, now you have muscles in places I could never see you with before. And your glasses are gone.
"You too," you murmur, holding out your hand. "Perhaps we get hot chocolate to celebrate this coincidence?"
Smiling, I nod, trying to ignore the way your touch still makes me go numb and how there are butterflies in my stomach.
You still remembered that I hated coffee.
So we walked to that cafe we went to when we were still in high school, the only thing different about the place was us. We sat across the booth from each other, still not sure exactly who we were to each other anymore nor comfortable enough to do as we use to and sit next to each other. Our lives without each other started to circulate through conversation, hinting about all the times we missed each other and mentioning all the memories we use to share.
And through it all, you'd constantly repeat, "Funny how we just ran into each other on the street." Like, you couldn't quite believe it was a coincidence.

Fate?
Ever since I met you, I was convinced we were meant to be. I was a hopeless romantic with my eyes constantly on the stars, waiting for destiny to help me decipher the puzzle of coincidence.
"No coincidence," I whisper, as I follow you out of the cafe.
You're bouncing on your feet as you walk, excited that we finally had a chance to meet up-even if we didn't plan it. And though I'll follow you 'till the end of the world, there's a sick feeling in my heart that just won't give in. Even though I believe in fate, this just doesn't make sense. If we were meant to be, why would it take so long for us to see each other again? Or why wouldn't we already, just be?
"Do you still hang out with any of our old friends?" I ask, unsure of what to do or where to go. All I know is I don't want to let go.
"Uhm, a few. Like, I'm still best friends with Matt and Lydia invited me to her wedding last month."
It seems like your friendship with them was meant to be, but what about us? What about me?
Suddenly it seems like doubt takes hold, and my hand no longer feels numb or warm against your touch. Instead, my whole body drops below freezing, and yet I'm holding back burning tears threatening to roll down to my chin. 
Instantly you recognize what's happening, easily remembering my anxiety and old habitats. Quickly, you pull me in for a hug, and whisper against my ear, "I won't ever let you go again. I don't know what happened the first time, but I won't lose you ever again."
And through it all, I felt as ease and kept thinking, we're back together again. Like, I couldn't quite believe it was fate at play, because if it was, we would've never lost each other in the end.

Finished: 11/12/19

Peer Review

I really liked the format of the 'story', how there were the coincidence and fate sections, they fit together really nicely. I also enjoyed the imagery, in a way it felt like I was there. There is just enough background information to know what's going on but also a sense of mystery that keeps the reader enticed and wanting to read more.


I'm curious as to the relationship of the characters have been throughout their lives, and how long it has been since they have seen each other. How old are the characters? How old were they when they last meet? Is this real or based on a real-life event?


Reviewer Comments

The title was what really captivated me in the first place, the question marks seem really intriguing to me, you did a really good job with the imagery, and it is a really good piece!