Peer Review by HelpMe512 (United States)

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the silver tears of fallen wishes are a beautiful despair that reflect my depthless, porcelain heart #kickoff

By: aditi


FREE WRITING

wishes are supposed to be forever. when i watched the white puffs of dandelion float away with the soft breeze, i felt my heart go with the seeds. they were like little doves; white and full of hope.  
but every beautiful thing this world has always decays, and dies. 
the fields of black reached out to me, and grabbed onto my glass heart with its dark talons. 
it was if the gray mist had finally lifted. 
thousands upon thousands of eyelashes littered the ashy fields, and more fell from the sober sky like  charcoal snow. 
the wishes were like desperate whispers, echoing in my ears and drowning out my senses.
their pleas were like hands, squeezing and groping my fragile soul.
as i took step after step across the barren graveyard of hope, the sorrow chipped away fiercely at my heart.
their grief was like a blood rose; stunning with hidden thorns.
the lake was molten silver, glittering like piercing iron under the sky of forever black.
silver hope dripped from the fallen lashes, pooling to form the serene lake.
was this where wishes went, i wondered as I walked down the dusty path down to the soft moonlit waves, lapping at the black shore.
as i walked through the thick silver lake made of tears, i pulled off one of my eyelashes, the pain fleeting but ethereal.
it kept floating, refusing to sink as I sink into the leaden waters, until under the chalky, starless sky, a single tear fell and joined the others.

for Dmoral’s contest, #kickoff. I decided to do the endings- where do wishes end up? Hope u 
like it

Message to Readers

im not really a poetry person, so god knows where this came from. hope u like it and understand what I mean(I get it if u don’t this is kinda abstract) but please review, like, and comment. it really makes me day


Peer Review

This piece is really beautiful! The descriptions are so vivid and haunting. It feels so real; I love it!


There were a few lines that had a few mistakes, but overall it was very good.


Reviewer Comments

Congratulations on winning the contest!