Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
im not really a poetry person, so god knows where this came from. hope u like it and understand what I mean(I get it if u don’t this is kinda abstract) but please review, like, and comment. it really makes me day
I was surprised by the fantasy element when the author wrote about wishes; it reminded me a little of Peter Pan – of a land where forever and immortality exists, beautiful but dangerous. Towards the end, the allusion to the lake of tears also reminded me of Swan Lake.
The writer seemed to have constructed a magical universe for where wishes go, and I would've loved to hear more of the details. Is the narrator the only one there? Why is that so?
This felt like a form of prose poetry for me, and I would've liked for the writer to challenge the form further by pushing for more of the out-of-this-world descriptions! Don't be afraid to experiment with metaphors and work your magic on readers. :)
On that note, it was a magical read that made me forget about reality for a moment! The writer had lots of pretty description that carries strong imagery which made me feel immersed.
Most of my comments are in the highlights :')
One last comment would be that the despair in the title didn't really come through in the piece – I felt that it had a little to do with the structure, as I kept wondering where the piece was going. At the end, I thought, oh, perhaps the narrator was just exploring the world she somehow ended up in. We still don't really have a reason behind the narrator's despair – it would be really intriguing if perhaps the piece was interspersed with flashbacks about the wish the narrator had made.
Nonetheless, brilliant effort; I enjoyed your style of writing. Nothing that can't be improved through edits. :)
keep writing ~ Even if you aren't a poetry person now, it doesn't mean you can't be on in the near future! ;) Your descriptions strike me as poetic, so if you're scared about venturing into full-out traditional poetry, you can try prose poetry! Go wild!!