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5teen. posts once in a blue moon
communist & survivor & latina & angry

Message to Readers

out of order - i tried to recall every memory i could stomach

six months in spain, 2019

November 9, 2019


croissants in spanish sunlight/crying on new year’s eve/ariana grande and makeup kits/the smell of sex and sweat as we overlooked the plaza/marble statues in courtyards full of orange trees/vodka fanta at one am/catcalls and crop tops/the beach surrounded by mountains/subway station mosaics/art classes by the skate park/villages nestled above the earth/bonfires in the streets/runny makeup and torn clothes/condoms from the vending machine/naked under oversized shirts/impressionists in the sunlight/running through the mountains/singing in the street/splashing in fountains/ancient churches down the street/tucked away galleries/city walls covered in graffiti and bullet holes/vodka at school/dancing to clairo/plants growing in white washed city apartments/a cat named trumpet in my lap/skies so big and blue they’d swallow us up/teeth in my neck/early morning tea/handcuffs on a bed/vintage clothes/pasta from italy/never feeling awake/lonely birthdays/wandering through villages thousands of years old/cuddling feral cats in ancient castles/praying to different gods on the mountaintop/observing my bruises in his mirror/picnics in the park/museums full of oil paintings/torn knuckles on the stairway/running from the police/the smell of churros and firecrackers/setting the whole world on fire/screaming fuck you into the sea/trespassing at sunrise/spraypainting the port with love letters/the smell of weed in alleyways/pad thai and fried rice by the train station/tasting tears in kisses/hickeys til my chest looked like the night sky/coming home after a lifetime of being lost/falling in love with toxic romances/breaking laws we didn’t know existed/breakdowns in school bathrooms/telling our teachers to get fucked/punching his little brother so hard i heard something crack/getting drunk with rich kids/doing other girls’ makeup in my mirror/screaming my lungs raw/his hand up my schoolgirl skirt while i whispered in his ear/destroying as much of my past as i could/lying to everyone i loved/unlearning the world/hozier in the dark/becoming holy/revering fifteenth century marias/crumbling roman ruins in the city center/train rides through the mountains/french music and sparkling jewelry/lipgloss and arrogance/cutting boys apart and putting them back together/flirting with anha and praying she’d understand/valentine’s day with the prettiest girl in the world/falling in love with my goddess and my girlfriend from the sagrada familia/feeling la pachamama everywhere i went/kissing birds at parc guell/mapuche dances in the streets/gaudi in heaven/train stations full to bursting with tears/orange groves that made me cry/living in a movie/living like death/living like a teenage dirtbag/living like a poet/living like a whore/living like a scholar/like a painter/like an angel/like i’d never die/and never go back
heaven and hell are one and the same


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  • November 9, 2019 - 5:37pm (Now Viewing)

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  • babybluelamentations

    Omg I can literally see and smell everything you described here, and reading this piece feels like I’m getting tossed in waves of mental breakdowns and loneliness and calm and ecstasy and happiness. the formatting just adds even more to it. This piece really packs an emotional punch and I love all of the sensory details that really immerse you in it.
    It all feels like sunshine, flowers, smoke, blood, and kisses in the dark. Amazing job. <3

    about 1 year ago
  • she’s-got-a-story

    I’m going to keep coming back to this one, I just know it

    about 1 year ago
  • she’s-got-a-story

    it doesn’t make sense but that’s the beauty of it
    reading it is like seeing a life

    about 1 year ago
  • bei_ohreally

    i honest to god love this piece, thank you so much. like every line placed a scene in my head, almost like a music video or documentary, it's beautiful really. keep it up!

    about 1 year ago