It all started in fourth grade. I had a friend, we'll call her Daisy. Daisy was a second grader and I was a fourth grader, yet we were practically inseparable. Both dealing with medical conditions, we gained a bond over pain, and medical experiences. She was the happiest girl I ever knew. Always lifting people up. Suddenly, her conditions got really bad. She was hospitalized, and on her death bed. I didn't know until I showed up to school one day and she wasn't there. I had not been notified. I remember being devastated, missing my friend dearly. Little did I know how much I'd come to miss them. Only a few day later, Daisy died of brain cancer. That was the main drag of the year. My best friend died, and somehow, I knew things were only going to get worse.
Same year. Our family had friends, we'll call them the Nightingales, that moved to Idaho due to their dad getting a change in job. The little girl in the family, whom I'll call Cassie, a girl I knew very well, was struggling to find a place there. Suddenly, a little girl came and took Cassie right under her wing. Just under six months go by, and suddenly there is a tragic accident. The girl falls off a tree whilst they're playing, and ends up dying in the fall. I felt awful. They were both only 7.
Fifth grade, I started noticing my health problems expand. It was making me feel helpless, and left scared. I struggled everyday to keep going. I noticed a shift in my moods just like that. I felt extremely sad from every morning to every night. I had surgery done to remove my teeth, X-Rays on my back to make sure it wasn't collapsing my lung (Which it has shrunk the size of them btw) I kept popping joints out of place, and tearing muscles. It wasn't fun.
Sixth grade, I was braced. Due to spinal issues which I'll have forever, I had to get my whole torso braced. It was not pleasant. I had to wear it 16-18 hours a day every day for the next two years. I stopped eating for a while until people started to notice. Then I started again. My grades were dropping because I was in constant pain, and could not focus. I took up aqua therapy, which only a couple months into it, they kicked me out because they said I didn't need them when they were the only reason I was starting to feel fine. Feeling like no one wanted to help me, or be around me in general, I finally fell into deep depression.
Seventh grade was the worst year. I was finally having AWFUL pain attacks. SO bad, I'd stop moving, and just curl up on the floor and cry for hours straight, mumbling to myself that it wasn't real. It would all go away. I don't think It was just physical. I had been struggling to keep myself mentally okay. I stopped caring about my body, and started caring more how my friends were surviving, and trying to help them through their problems without taking time to deal with my own. My grandma (Chambers) was diagnosed with breast cancer, and was struggling with that. My other grandma (Glen) died due to a surgery gone wrong. Not soon afterwards, my grandpa starting suffering from heart failure. MY second-aunt Marie died due to breast cancer on her last treatment, leaving my ten year old cousin and her husband, my uncle, behind. The family reunion felt small compared to the years prior, and we could feel the vacant spaced where they once walked.
This year is the eighth grade. And all I seem to be able to do is not care anymore. It's so frustrating that I've just given up basically everything so I will stop being tormented for my existence. My Great Uncle Sunny died recently, and my aunt miscarried. That's been the saddest part of this year. My grandpa is sickly because of a broken heart, and I feel stuck in the wraps with my family.
I know it doesn't seem like that much to some people. I'm probably complaining, and being extremely sad over nothing. Every calls me a drama queen for a reason. That's why I'm so messed up today. That's where there was an outburst on here the other day. I tend to have them when all the pressure builds up way to fast.