parachutes_the_idiot

Canada

i would’ve given you the clothes off my back, the air from my lungs, the remnants of my heart. but apparently i wasnt good enough. ive never been good enough for your love.

Message from Writer

never good enough for you, never good enough for my folks. i don’t know why i bother.

A Catastrophe In Space and Time EXCERPT

November 28, 2019

​EDDIE
Do you remember the science fair 2 years ago when we built that robot?

EDWIN
You mean our one sole academic accomplishment that made our parents proud? The project that we relied on YouTube to complete?

EDDIE
You’re catching on. 

EDGAR
I don’t understand. All we did was fuse together some wires, tighten some bolts, and spray paint a old mostly functional toy. 

EDDIE
We fused some wires and tightened some bolts.......what if we did something like that to the mannequins? 

EDUARDO 
And made them do what? Spray confetti?

EDGAR
Or, we could make them explode. 

(Everyone looks at EDGAR)

EDGAR
What?! Its just an idea.....sheesh, you guys are soooooooo sensitive. 

(They all laugh again)

EDDIE
Seriously though, what if we fused the bolts together really tightly so that they have absolutely no give to them and make them unmovable? And what if we make a detonator to-

EDGAR
I KNEW WE WERE GOING TO BLOW THEM UP!

EDDIE
(Giving EDGAR a withering stare)
First off, we can’t blow them up. We don’t have any explosives and we’d most likely end up blowing ourselves into oblivion. Secondly, we’re on school grounds! Please refrain from talking about exploding things!

EDGAR
Sheesh, your so sensitive. 

EDUARDO
Besides, with our luck we’d get detention the day before and have to clean up their entrails. 

EDDIE
We won’t blow them up or throw confetti. We would rig a detonator to go off and spray the team with apple juice in the crotch area, therefore making them look they are weaklings who pee their pants. 

EDWIN
Its a stupid plan; I like it. 

(The four of them commence the complicated high five fist bumping sequence. )

EDDIE
Maybe we skip class and commence our revenge plan?

EDUARDO
Looks like we’ll be getting detention either way, so why not. 

EDGAR
Excellent. 

(They muffle their laughter, and follow EDGAR down the corridor. They take a left, a right, and then go down a staircase. The walls change from drywall to concrete, and they come to a door. They go through it, and are now in the mechanics shop. The room is cavernous with wall to wall racks filled with a large variety of tools and supplies. Tires, wrenches, hammers, saws, mufflers, mud flaps, sheets of steel, lumber, buckets of nails, fire extinguishers, welding torches, and millions of other tools fill the shelves to capacity. EDGAR goes to a shelf several feet from the entrance and pulls out a welding torch)

EDGAR
Do we need this? 

EDUARDO
Most definitely. We can use it to get your nasty unibrow in order. 

(EDUARDO puts his hand up for a high five, but no one reciprocates.)

EDUARDO
(Muttering)
Well, I thought it was funny. 

(EDGAR places the welding torch back on the shelf. EDUARDO shuffles over to a corner shelf with e dejected look on his face. He begins to slowly sift through a bucket of nuts and bolts. They make a soft swooshing sound. EDGAR examines the small propane cylinders and other flammable objects that occupy the shelf above where he found the welding torch. He spins around a oil jug, bored. EDDIE and EDWIN are busy at work. EDWIN has found a large blue Rubbermaid tote, and they fill it up with tools. They place the lid on the plastic container.)

EDDIE
EDUARDO, EDGAR, haul this tote up the stairs and put it in the tool shed by the football field. Remember, be quiet. We’re supposed to be in class, and if you guys get caught, tell them that Mr ELLSWORTH sent you to get them. 

EDUARDO
Why do we have to be your pawns?

EDWIN
Because I doubt you know which type of aluminium we need a sheet of. 

EDDIE
Exactly. EDWIN and I will run down to the welding shop and meet you there in 5 minutes. 

(EDGAR an EDUARDO make sarcastic exasperated faces, but they cheerfully go about moving the tote anyways. They each take an end, and EDGAR leads the way. They run into the door)

EDDIE
(Cringing)
Stealth is key, try to remember that!

EDGAR
We got it! Well be more silent than a shark stalking its prey. 

EDUARDO
(To EDGAR as they are leaving)
Fun fact, sharks actually hunt their prey loudly! They use a fear tactic to scare their meal into submission!

(EDGAR and EDUARDO’s voices fade as they get further away.   EDDIE begins to put tools that the disrupted away to their proper places.)

EDDIE
C’mon, lets go get that sheet of aluminum. 

(They turn off the lights of the room, and exit. They take a left, walk past 2 doors, and enter the third on located on the right side. This room is quite small; it is clearly a storage room. Racks upon racks of metal line the wall. EDDIE pulls me out a random sheet, and grins.)

EDDIE
Looks like we’ve got everything!

EDWIN
Indeed. Revenge shall be oh so sweet, and they will regret the day they messed with the nerds!

(EDDIE and EDWIN each take a side of the sheet and maneuver it through the door. They shuffle down the hallway, and take a left at the end of the corridor. They walk for about a minute down this corridor before coming to the end of it. They walk through the back entrance to the exterior of the building. EDUARDO and EDGAR are leaning on a shed that is about 20 feet away from the door. They wave enthusiastically, but make no noise. It appears that eddies warning about making noise stuck with them. EDDIE and EDWIN near them. Outside of the door with EDUARDO and EDGAR is the tackling men win that they are going to alter. EDUARDO lifts up a large case of yellow dye in water bottles. They all grin at each other. EDUARDO opens the shed, and in they go.) 
JUST AN FYI

Contrary to popular belief, this formatting is acceptable for a novel.

Print

See History
  • November 28, 2019 - 10:14am (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

2 Comments
  • _________

    Also, I think any formatting is acceptable as long as it's consistent :) Great job with this!
    (and you're not an idiot :)


    almost 2 years ago
  • _________

    No one should ever mess with nerds! :)


    almost 2 years ago