Peer Review by Alexa M. (United States)

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Animal story

By: Alexander Martinez

One day there was a kid with a dream a dream to save many animals. the more things he saw online or social media youtube or anything made him more sad. And made him want to do something for all those animals ¨but he thought since he was a kid he could not do anything. 
But he woke up the next day and told his parents about his ideas for saving animals and helping them. They both listened to him good and they both said that it was an amazing idea. He was very happy to hear that from his parents but he thought to himself how was he going to do it .Because he had school and a sport to do he had to play football after school some days and he also had to play on the weekends 
“he thought maybe a school day when i don’t have football” .“Then he also thought about telling his football team if they wanted to go volunteer. He was very happy because this can really help out animals”. He was also  going to make a youtube account to make a video on helping animals. He was gonna try to post it on any social media. 
His mom said ̈ it's time to go to bed ̈ .So he goes to his room and gets ready for bed so 5 minutes later he’s sleeping. After 8 hours of sleep he’s finally awake.
 he gets ready for his day takes a shower,changes,eats,brush his teeth then finally is ready to leave. He goes in the car and listens to music. While he’s on his way to school half way through the drive. “He was thinking of going to volunteer tomorrow at the shelter” after a good amount of time he got to school.

Peer Review

the first line draws me in alittle maybe add a better title.

describing every day things he does.

more detail over all describe things
ex: the hot, sizzling, sun burned through my skin as I sat on my lawn, it was 2:43 pm.

I do have a sense of where the story takes place but more detail would be greatly apriciated.

ur story is really good with a little bit of editing it will be perfect. good luck

Reviewer Comments

more DETAIL PLZ!!!!
-@Alexa M