Peer Review by Alexa M. (United States)

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A normal day

By: Olive Von der kret



I’ll see you in the sun
(writers note)
This is all in my characters (soya) head unless if they're all speaking 
I like it when I can walk to school with my friends-well, friend. I can’t wait for summer though, I get to hang with Miki and Jason, maybe even one of my friends out of school, but we still have like three and a half weeks to finish  
“crap!” ya that’s me, soya, 6ft 3, 180 pounds, going to be 17 in 10 days. Yay, and this is how it starts. 
Ok moving on, “I forgot the assignment”
“the gun violence test or-”
“both….”
“well not my problem”
“wow thanks”
“no I do, I just wanted you to feel bad, and would you look at the time well see you soon”, if you're wondering who the other person talking is, that’s Miki, 16, 4ft, and my best friend. “YOU HAVE MY LUNCH!” screams Miki “sowy” 
“NOOOOOO” Now Jason my pal, he’s different “hi guys”
“JASON MY MAN”
“Hi Jason” ya Miki doesn't like Jason “you two are late, like really la-” 
“DON’T SAY IT, I don’t want to hear it”
“kay?”
 “so, did you finish the test or, no”
“yes but no”
“that’s sad well we better get going” oh ya the first period starts in like 5 minutes so I should go there. 
Luch, oh boy. Here we go. “Miki”
“Ya shoya?”
 “for the campaign for Gun violence. What do we do?”
“IDK, we could put up some posters and do a walkout”
“a PROTEST!” 
“ya a protest”
“And Jason? What do you think we could do?” Jason looks at me then Miki and tells us something great “we have 57 people attending the meeting and 5 teachers so we could ask them” 
“Wait did you just say 57people”
“Yes”
“THAT'S AMAZING, I don’t know how you do it, Jason”
“Thanks” blake starts walking towards us
“Um hi”
“hi blake, where’s Matt? He’s usually with you”
“well…… I don’t want to talk about it” that’s weird mats not with him and is he holding his arm “are you ok blake?”
“Ok, no, I got into a fight with matt and he said that he’s gonna kill me tomorrow”
“Kill you, what does mean” 
“ well, I thought that I didn’t have his dad’s watch at first and thought that I left it at home but it was in my bag and when I didn’t give it to him he got pissed and punched me”
“that’s just rude well why would he lend it to you?”
“because he was doing track and he didn’t want to lose it so I put it in my bag”
“ok?”
“Thanks, bye” what do I do about this, should I go and help him. Not now, I have to gym. 
“Hey!”
“Hi Jason”
“Your fast you know, I can’t keep up with you” ya Jason is slow, we don’t talk about that though, but he’s usually faster, I wonder why? “oh let me slow down a bit” they need a fan in here, it’s so hot “thanks man” 
“Why are you late?” he looks at me and looks down. “Umm, I had to go to the nurse’s office”
“You look just fine, oh your eye”
“Yup, they didn’t have ice so I just left”
“well do you wanna go check”
“Nah I’m good”
“Okay then, now tell me what to your eye?”
“So I tried to resolve Matt and Blake’s problem because Matt asked me so I went, then Blake got mad and hit me”
“Wait did I hear that right, Blake hit you instead of Matt”
“I know me too” 
“Well you look ok, but your eye looks like it  needs some ice”
“For the last time, I don’t need ice”
“Okay okay” Jasson, you need ice. Oh Matts heir, and with Blake too, that's weird, didn’t they get in a fight? Maybe the resoled? Hopefully “Matt I’m so, so sorry about your-” 
“I said leave me alone, you need to stop bugging me”
“I just wanted to give you this back” he’s shaking, and the watch almost fell out of his hand, Matt what did you do to him? “Why didn’t you give this back when I told you to”
“Because I wanted to show my cousins and I forgot it the next day so-” 
“THAT'S the last thing that’s left of my dad”
“I know that’s why I was avoiding you for the past two days”
“That’s not why”
“What?”
“Whatever”
“Can we still be friends”
“When you tell me what you really did”
“I-I, I’m sorry”
“This is stupid, I’m going” everyone is looking at them. Oh god, Blake is looking at me, what do I do, okay walking away. Wait, PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT ME, no no no no
“You ok?”
“Ya thanks Miki” MIKI THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME “hey, can you tell me what that was all about?”
“About what”
“About Matt”
“What’s with Matt”
“Don’t act dumb, he said that you beat him up”
“What?”
“He said that you punched him and the hole blake thing was not him but you, and he just blamed it on him because he didn’t want you to hit him”
“I’m sorry but I’m not that type of person” were out of the gym, THANK YOU MIKI “And what’s up with Jason he looks hurt”
“Why do you care?”
“I don’t, I just wanna know” 
“Ok, I’ll tell you” after explaining everything to her she got confused and looked at me like I was telling her that we only have 2 days to live, “wait, wait hold up” she looks at the floor and looked really confused “your telling me that, Blake hit Jason. Why?”
“I don’t know, and he won’t tell me why he hit him” 
“Should I ask him or-”
“I wouldn't do that if I were you”
“But that would be good for you, to at least know why he hit you"


Peer Review

The title draws me in also the intro because I expect it to be anything but a normal day


describe traits


maybe just add more detail about suroundings


maybe the weather


u are a great writer dont forget to describe things


Reviewer Comments

:)