Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
It's just how simple it starts. I'm drawn into really basic beginnings that have tremendously different endings.
They're yearning for people they cannot have. When they finally get what they want, they either run away from it, or they do the other thing that Elijah did... XD
I would like the time with Jade to be expanded. Something about it seemed a little odd. Sort of like she was just there for a filler. What was her purpose in the story? Did she have something to do with the ending?
Outside of a fancy house (How I imagine it) at an intense party.
There are a few tweaks needed here and there, but other than that, you should be extremely proud of it! It's quite an interesting story. I want more!
Great job, can't wait to see where you take this!