Norah

United States

18 | she/they | hypothetical astronaut | ekphrastic poet | haunted house

Message to Readers

Hey this is the first time I'm doing a user sponsored competition, very cool, learning and growing and so on. Anyway I don't really know how to....edit my poetry, so any constructive criticism is very much appreciated.

by morning

November 3, 2019

FREE WRITING

3
they come to you at midnight
awake, in the pale orange of october clouds

and as you were not in your bed
alone, as you often are

the terrible chill of autumn 
slid under your skin like a fish knife

cut beneath your scales and gills with 
and anger not unknown to you

it is not unknown, but you simply
failed to listen, it was always there, this possibility

the sudden startled realization
that you erred in some unforgivable way

the strange and ancient arrival of a foreign moon,
black crust and sullen, sunken eyes

you would let them flay you open
simply because living and knowing would be worse

your hatred of them is not the same 
as their hatred: which is a thing with eyes and ears

yours is blind, deaf, flickers in the night,
bows only to blood and instinct

it does not know to be afraid of the dark,
it does not know kindness 

their hatred is slippery, wild, and bites into you
without hesitation

by morning, you are gone

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  • November 3, 2019 - 2:05pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • artificialaorta

    i'm not great at reading poetry but i really like the image this all paints and the theme is really well done. read it aloud for a better feel of where you should introduce punctuation. remember that lack of punctuation, even between breaks, is not read as a pause! it's all read in one breath (so if i were to read the last lines, for example, they'd sound like this - "their hatred is slippery, wild, and bites into you without hesitation by morning, you are gone"). work on pace + inner flow to really make this shine


    about 1 year ago