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19 and boppin

Message to Readers

idk what this is but it's what decided to be written so here ya go

I am something without teeth

November 3, 2019



these days I am more mouse-caught-in-mousetrap than anything else.
what is a girl if not a collection of:
                                                    half-forgotten memories
                                                    misplaced emotions
                                                    bruised knees and weeping eyes
                                                    iron nails hammered into ribs
                                            and   something hollow in the wrists

in this colorful mosaic of regrets, I learned how to be consumed and
               how to become something that knew the price of survival.
there: an old friend my words stopped reaching.
there: a distant family member in a coffin.
there: a missed opportunity, filled with laughter that doesn't come from me.

who would have thought I'd hang on this long?
I have never been able to envision a future, too enraptured in the past.
the present is a gift I returned three birthdays ago, receipt in hand
and mouth empty.

my nails are torn off;
                                I imagine claws in the empty space they leave behind.
become a wolf, a mountain lion, a coyote--
                                                            something with a chance of survival.

did I mention the maze yet?
always twisting and turning, lost no matter what path I take.
hand against the wall, I walk
                                                                                            to another dead end.

I am stuck, possessed by a banshee wailing her regrets;
the only one I can name

is my name.

mouse-caught-in-mousetrap, soon to meet a hawk-hungry-in-the-fields.
tell me, is a maze without an exit a challenge or a death sentence?
either way, I trudge on, bleeding, bruised, lost and losing


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