Peer Review by RegentCorgi (United States)

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Homeland

By: K-9crazy


FREE WRITING

I stood alone on the deck, gripping the rails as I watched the English wharf slip from view. As the salty breeze carried us out across the ocean, whipping the tawny hair from my pale face, I knew it was the last sight I would ever have of my homeland. The last sight of the place where Mother was laid to rest.
Father came to stand beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I didn't usually like when people touched me, not even my parents. But this time I found some comfort in his closeness, and smiled up at him with somber eyes. Of course he responded by squeezing me tighter, but I managed to overlook it since I knew he was happy.
As we stood side by side looking out over the rails I knew it was going to be a hard life in the new land ahead of us, but one that we would face together.


Message to Readers

I would be forever grateful to the kind person that takes the time to simply and truthfully tell me what I did wrong. Thank you for your help!


Peer Review

I loved how real it was. You did an amazing job conveying emotion in such a way that the reader feels like they’re in the story.


I think you could possibly play to the love and loss of her mother. The sadness is fleeting, and I think it’s should draw out more before being resolved.


Reviewer Comments

This is great work! I only found a few grammatical anomalies, but even with those the content was great!!