Peer Review by RegentCorgi (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


The Land of Zaran: Royals

By: Cornstark


FREE WRITING

    "Run!" Corin yelled, as they seperated from the spot where the lava hit the ground. The Quickspark threw Corin over his head and they took off. Rock picked up a hatchet from the beach, embedded in a skeletal corpse's ribcage. He threw it as hard as possible, and it sliced through the air, embedding itself in the Godly Slacktongue's tough skin.
    Yuri chanted a small spell, and a fireball appeared in her hand. She chucked it up toward the dragon, hitting it in the side of the face. It roared and spat lava in her direction. Rock ran to her, grabbed her, and dove out of the way as the molten rock hit the ground.
    Corin and his own dragon soared around it, picking up speed. The Quickspark's body quickly heated up, to the point where it burned for Corin to sit on it for much longer. It turned and soared toward the Slacktongue, and fired an explosive disc. It crashed into the dragon's face, sparking into an explosion similar to that of modern-day C4.
    The Quickspark spun, narrowing its body and shot through the explosion's fire. It burned Corin, but he hung on tight. The Slacktongue emerged from the smoke, the side of its face blacked and burnt. It roared in fury and spit lava straight at the Quickspark. It was able to dodge it, mostly. A small drop landed on it's wing and the dragon roared. It began to fall from the sky, and Corin panicked. He pulled the dragon up, and it began to glide, but it still would be a painful landing. 
    The two crashed into the floor, rolling along until they stopped next to Rock and Yuri.
    The dragon roared once more and opened its mouth. It's gullet began to glow orange. The three pirates closed their eyes, accepting their fate.
    Suddenly, the Slacktongue stopped. It stared at the egg, and the group opened their eyes.
    A crack had formed in the egg's side. Another branched off from it. The Godly Slacktongue slowly stepped out of the volcano and walked toward the group. It sniffed the egg, and took a step back. 
    The egg slowly began to smoke, and got extremely hot. A small piece of the shell fell to the ground. An eye looked out of it. A claw reached out and grabbed the outside of the shell, then pulled it in. It cracked. A slimy baby dragon crawled out of the hole. 
    Sure enough, it was a Hellfire baby. The large hump that was usually on its back wasn't inflated yet, and its double sets of wings were so small they probably couldn't even lift the dragon off the ground. 
    It looked up at Yuri and let out a squeak. Tears began to roll down Yuri's cheeks like a river without a dam.
    The Quickspark stood up, scratched and injured. It's wing had a nasty burn and the cuts from falling on the rocks covered it's body, but it still found strength to get to see the baby dragon. The dragon's jaw seemed to shift, and Corin realized it was smiling. He extended his hand. The dragon stared at it, but then raised it's own claw, seeming to high-five him of sorts. Corin took it as a peace treaty and that he would stay with him now.
    "You know, you deserve a name. What about... Swiftshot?"
    The dragon shook his head.
    "Widow?"
    The dragon shook his head.
    Corin concentrated. "Cloud?"
    The dragon thought about that one, then nodded his head. 
    Corin grinned, and wrapped his arms around the dragon's thick neck.
    Yuri smiled and went back to her own dragon. "What shall we call you?"
    "What about... Magmy?" She said, shaking the little dragon. 
    "You do know that thing is going to grow into a giant man-killer right?"
    "I don't care," She said, turning back to her baby dragon.
    She started baby-talking the Hellfire Beast, and the Godly Slacktongue stood straight up. It stood on its hind legs and jumped into the air. It's large wings spread out, and it began to fly. It flapped into the sky, and then disappeared.
    "Where'd it go?" Yuri questioned.
    "I guess it didn't know we had an egg," Corin said, watching it's shadow fade away. 


Message to Readers

I had no clue how to finish this one up so I just ended this one earlier.


Peer Review

Again, loved the continuation. I also loved the part with the baby dragon. You did a great job describing action, too.


Perhaps give more detail as to why the Godly Slacktongue suddenly stopped attacking them. It’s a little unclear.


Reviewer Comments

Great story! Can’t wait to read more!