Peer Review by Shanti (New Zealand)()

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Him

By: Morgan Koekemoer


PROMPT: Illumination

There he stood, his hair wilder than his spirit and his smile, a smile that is infinitely more beautiful than any jewel this world has to offer, a smile that will light the way in the darkest of times. Eyes that see everyone and everything's true beauty, they show the world in so much as a blink yet hide so much emotion - of sadness, happiness and love.


Peer Review

I liked that it mainly focussed on two elements of 'him'- his eyes and his smile. You imply that these are the two key parts of him, and reveal his personality. From what you wrote, this might be true!


Who is this person when he's not smiling?


Reviewer Comments

I really like how you focus on the eyes and the smile, stripping down the descriptions to the bare bones. With phrases like 'more beautiful than any jewel' and 'true beauty' and 'light the way in the darkest of times', you might want to think about how you are using these more cliched words, though they don't really take away from the description.