Peer Review by Starflower (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

The Witching Hour | #thewitchinghour #WritingFantasy

By: ajamwal


The thin, pale and nimble fingers reached into the black woolly coat, and gracefully sprinkled the twinkling pink powder over the city. Abruptly, the lights went out in all the nooks and crannies of the prodigious city, men and women coming back from office, loosened their ties and immediately dropped on their beds and didn't open an eyes for the next nine hours, children grabbing a flashlight under their covers whose eyes constantly skimmed through the pages of the novel, began to snore and the homeless grabbed their shawls and hoped for a better day tomorrow, as the sleepy witches awoke. 
Bats squeal, and tidy up their rooms assisting the witches with their first steps of the day. Brooms twiddle with excitement to be used after a long twelve hours of stillness. A minuscule creature awakens, its vivid, pale, green eyes peer through the dark. The striped socks slip into long, skinny boots, a hand pats frizzy hair down and places a tall crooked hat on top. Nimble fingers lift the excited broom, on which the green-eyed creature sits on. The witches' abode is now deserted, all witches are awake, circled around the ground witch, ready to make magic, for it is Hallow's Eve!

With flick of the hand, lighted jack-o-lanterns appear out of thin air. The following witches place an assortment of traps at each door, and the others fill pumpkins with a plethora of vibrant candies. Some switch on eerie dim lights, with the sparkle of their wand. When finished, the witches sparkle the city to life, crook their noses and say a farewell of "ta-ta." The grand witch is about to fall back into dormancy, when she sees a starry-eyed toddler pointing at her,

"Ha, ha, spooopy, ha, ha!" 

The child falls right on its bottom due to laughing, but continues to laugh hysterically.

The grand witch swoops down over the child, 

"And who do I have the pleasure of meeting here?" she snarls.

The child stops snorting and its starry eyes begin their search again. 

"Oh, spoopy!"

The grand witch, tries to hide it, but a subtle curling smile creeps out of her mouth. She holds the toddler into her arms (quite heavy for a toddler,) she sprinkled sparkles onto the toddler's nose, it stares cross-eyed at the sparkles its huge starry eyes shifting from the witch and the sparkles. 

"Madred, honey, is that you?" a mother calls out. 

The grand witch has no choice, but to swoop the toddler away and into her window she went. She took off her hat, her cat jumping down into its spot and bat perched onto the bookshelf, broomstick exhausted. Grand Witch placed the toddler on her bed carefully.

She sighed "Now what do I do?"

Message to Readers

all my pieces start out good, but then....
thanks, surly wombat!

Peer Review

I love the theme of this piece! It's very spooky and extremely Halloweeny. Also, you have great imagery throughout the piece, and you describe the witches very well.

I'd like to know more about why the witch took the toddler. What was she planning to do with it? Why was she interested in it in the first place? Also, I think you could expand more on what the witches did after they put the city to sleep. I'd love to know what they did beyond decorating the city.

Reviewer Comments

Overall, this is a great piece, and I want to know what happens next. Most of my highlights are just things about punctuation, but those should be easy to fix. Other than that, make sure you're staying in the same tense throughout the piece. You start in the past tense and move to the present tense later, and this is kind of confusing to the reader. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing! :)