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Message to Readers
For Aurelia.Valus's contest, #tirelessregret. This is from my character Connor's perspective.
You captured despair and pain very well, as well as regret. I think you did a great job make me pity this kid, just by showing what he's going through. It also was kinda creepy too.
I would recommend reworking the paragraph with the people looking at Connor. Him saying that they don't know what he's going through almost makes me not care so much about him. It is usually better to show how miserable a character is rather than having him say it, because then he kind of seems a little whiny, even though his misery is understandable. I already felt enough pity for him just with this scene, without his thoughts.
I would love to hear the backstory behind how his brother died! Sounds interesting!