Peer Review by Samina (India)

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Queen of the Seas - Midnight

By: Aurelia.Valus


FREE WRITING

    “Excalibur, huh.” She said to the man next to her. He was old and looked incredibly shady because of the black cloak he wore. 
    “Yes. I’ve heard that nobody who has gone looking for it has come back alive, ‘cause it’s in the heart of the triangle,” he paused, “near the Krakens den.”
    She flinched. The Devil’s Triangle, the most feared place in the seven seas. “What would a sword like that even be doing underwater?” She asked the man. 
    He shrugged and looked around, “Beats me, must have gotten lost or something.” 
    The two were sitting on a bench in the middle of a town. She refused to meet in a back alley, to avoid prying eyes and other shady characters. It would be suspicious for someone like her to be seen there.
    “That’s all I have for you,” he held out his hand and waited. 
she sighed, dropping ten gold coins into his hand. “For the record, I know you’re overcharging me.”
    “Pleasure doing business with you, Miss Kia,” he smiled toothily, then took off into the night.
    Kia contemplated the information as she looked up at the night sky; her sailors compass. Excalibur, a legendary sword said to grant immense power was underwater. In addition, it was in the Devil’s Triangle, on top of that, was the fact that it was in the Kraken’s den. The Kraken was near invincible, she would know. She had barely made it out of the triangle alive the first time she came across it, and she hadn’t even made it to the heart. 
    Annoyed by the thought of her defeat, she shook the memory from her head and stood up. She walked briskly to Kingsmen’s Tavern about a block from where she was. It was a windy night, so her cloak flapped around in the chilly night breeze. When Kia opened the door to the tavern, she noticed how crowded it was. She saw all kinds of people in places like this. Sailors, Knights, Merchants, sometimes even noblemen, looking to relax. She scanned the room for any empty table and took what she could find. Unfortunately, it was near the center of the room, and the last thing she wanted was to draw any attention to herself. She ordered a drink, some food and began to eat. If I don’t recover the sword, then more people will venture out in attempts to obtain it, and die. She thought as she took a sip of her drink. Maybe I should- Her thought was cut off by the people at the table next to her. 
    “Did you know that Caspia always wears a diamond cuff on her arm? I heard that it used to be the Pirate King’s crown, and she defeated him at only fourteen years old!.” One of the guys said. 
    “Hah. You kidding? Everyone knows that.” Another guy responded.
    Kia rolled her eyes and took another sip of her drink. She had heard the stories of Caspia, the fabled sailor. She was known as Caspia, Queen of the Seas. Everywhere Kia traveled, she heard people speak the name. 
    “I heard that Caspia was the first sailor to conquer the rogue season.” Someone said
    “No way! Rogue season is impossible to sail in, how’d she do it?!” Another responded.
    “I heard Caspia’s invincible, and that the gods sent her to keep the seas in check.” A guy said at the table behind her. There were nods and shouts of agreement. 
    Kia growled under her breath, she couldn't take it anymore. She was sick of people calling Caspia a goddess and making her out to be an angel from above. She abruptly stood up, the chair making loud noise against the floor as it was pushed back. The room went silent, and everyone turned their heads toward where she stood. 
    “Caspia is not invincible, and she’s no saint. She’s just a sailor.” She announced.
    There was a long pause, then someone smirked. “What would you know, girl?” 
    Kia sighed. She could feel everyone’s eyes fixed upon her as she walked in the toward the door. There was a sudden gust of wind that blew through the tavern when she yanked it open; it pushed her hood back, revealing her long midnight-blue hair.
    Not too long after, she was strolling down the street, toward the docks. And when her cloak slipped off her left arm, the moonlight glistened off the Pirate King’s crown.

I was trying to make a short story, but clearly that's not what happened. Oh well :D

Shout out to BurningMidnightOil for helping me with this too :)

Should I continue this story? I'm not sure. Thoughts?

Message to Readers

I would really appreciate if you took the time to comment and/or review this piece! I love feedback and am always open to suggestions.

ALSO, I wanted to come up with a different title for this. Any Ideas?


Peer Review

This piece is a perfect blend of all the elements. The cliff hanging end is something worth reading.


I want the writer to continue writing. I loved it. No doubt that you should stop writing this, the Queen of the Twisted Endings. (cheesy but true). It can be clearer in some places. I have just marked just grammatical errors.


Reviewer Comments

Nice Plot.MUST-READ Piece.PLEASE continue with this story. Queen of the seas is the most apt title for it.